


Variations

by YKWencest



Category: Tegan and Sara (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2018-11-20 01:13:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 34,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11325588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YKWencest/pseuds/YKWencest
Summary: Tegan and Sara are transported to a world outside of time where they meet four variations of themselves, each from a different timeline.





	1. The Youngest

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone. This is my new story that I've been working on for a while now. I think I'm finally ready to start posting it. I hope everyone enjoys the story. Let me know what you guys think.

****

Music blasted through the small house loudly. Tegan gritted her teeth together angrily as she rose from the bed in her room. Her sister, Sara, was doing it just to piss her off. They were always doing something to get under each other’s skin. Tegan would do this, Sara would do that. It was a never ending cycle of pestering.

“Sara! Turn your fucking music down!” Tegan shouted from her doorway.

“Sorry, can’t hear you!” Sara shouted back, slowly increasing the volume of the music.

Tegan growled to herself in anger and stomped down the hallway to her twin’s room. She had no idea what exactly had started today’s argument, but she knew just how to finish it. A little visit from her sister’s fists would help convince Sara. Was it the healthiest solution? No. But they weren’t the healthiest people, either.

Tegan threw Sara’s bedroom door open quickly, causing the knob to bang into the wall. “I told you to turn that shit down, now!”

“Fuck you,” Sara spat. “Get out of my room!”

“I said ‘Turn it down!’”

Sara looked over at her sister angrily. She reached her hand over to the CD player she had set up beside her bed for the time being and turned the volume up more. Tegan huffed at her sister’s objection and marched toward the bed. She slapped the CD player off of the bedside table, causing it to come unplugged and land on the floor harshly.

“Tegan, what the fuck?” Sara shouted, standing up from her bed. She knelt down beside the CD player and opened it up, inspecting the disk inside. “You’re lucky it’s still okay, or I’d beat your goddamn ass for this.”

“Yeah, like you could,” Tegan replied with a smirk.

“Why don’t you just back the fuck up out of my face and we won’t find out,” Sara countered, standing up to meet her twin’s eyes. “How about that?”

“How about you keep your fucking music down and we won’t have a problem.”

“I have just as much right in this house as you do,” Sara said angrily. “You wanna keep letting your fucking boyfriend stay over until two in the morning, then I’ll play my music as loud as I want.”

“Sara, for the last fucking time, Jeremy is not my boyfriend anymore,” Tegan huffed. “We broke up two years ago.”

“Yeah, well, he still vultures around you, so you must be giving it to each other,” Sara replied indignantly.

“He’s our friend, Sara. What the fuck is the problem?” Tegan asked angrily.

“He’s here all the time!” Sara shouted back. “All the fucking time. Like, I’m honestly surprised he isn’t here right now.”

“He’s not here that much,” Tegan replied. “Besides, you have girls over all the time and I don’t say anything about it.”

“So you **are** fucking him.”

“What?”

“You just said I have girls over all the time and you and I both know what I do with them, so you must be doing that shit with your little boy toy too, or else you wouldn’t have brought it up,” Sara said.

“Get bent, Sara, god,” Tegan groaned, rolling her eyes.

“What, like you get bent by Jeremy?” Sara taunted.

“Fuck you!”

“Like he does?”

“Shut the fuck up now, Sara,” Tegan warned, her jaw setting tightly. “I mean it.”

“What I don’t get, though, is, I thought you guys were both gay now,” Sara continued, ignoring her sister. “Do you just like his dick that much, or are you just scared to try a woman?”

“Sara.”

“Because, well… if you need a taste of pussy,” Sara said, smirking to her twin. “I could surely be of some help to you.”

Tegan had heard enough. She grabbed Sara by the collar of her shirt with one hand and curled the other into a fist, slamming it into her sister’s cheek. Sara stumbled back as Tegan let go of her shirt. Sara rubbed her cheek, staring daggers at Tegan as the older twin smiled at her supposed victory.

Sara lunged forward, tackling Tegan down to the floor. The twins rolled around in Sara’s room, clawing and punching and kicking. Tegan got on top of Sara, raining random punches down on her face and shoulders. Sara managed to lift her hips and throw Tegan off, allowing herself a chance to scramble to her feet. Tegan stood as well, turning around just in time for Sara’s fist to connect with her lip. It was Tegan’s turn to stumble back now, knocking into the desk by Sara’s wall. Sara took advantage of the opportunity and pushed Tegan again. Tegan’s back bounced off the desk, sending a sharp pain through her body. Sara reached forward and grabbed a handful of Tegan’s short, spiky hair, keeping her in place as she slapped her face over and over again.

Tegan reached one hand up blindly and grabbed at Sara’s own blonde spikes and pulled, craning her twin’s head back. Sara let go in an effort to free her head. Tegan took the chance to push back, moving the girls back into the middle of the room. She ducked her body down and placed her shoulder in Sara’s stomach before standing up, lifting Sara above her. Sara kicked and flailed, trying in vain before Tegan slammed her down into the floor with heavy force.

“No more,” she groaned. She was lucky the wind hadn’t been knocked out of her by the impact. Tegan reared her booted foot back before sending it into Sara’s midsection harshly.

“Don’t you ever, **ever** , fucking say shit like that to me again, do you hear me?”

Sara wasn’t answering. She was gasping. Air. She needed air. Tegan had triggered an attack of her asthma with that last kick. Her lungs. They felt as if they were closing up on her. Hitch. Hitch. Hitch. Hitch. Hitch. Hitch, hitch, hitch. Hitch, hitch, hitch, hitchhitchhitchhitch….

Sara tried to get herself onto her hands and knees in order to crawl to her bedside table to retrieve her inhaler. It wasn’t fair. Why did Tegan get to have both advantages? She was stronger, **and** her lungs worked right. How was that fair?

She heard the wind kick up outside, taunting her. _The Earth can breathe, Sara. Why can’t you?_

“What’s that?” Tegan asked from above her. “What are you doing?”

“Tee… Tegan… puff…puff….”

“Oh!” Tegan shouted in realization, rushing toward the table that Sara had started toward and retrieved the inhaler. She knelt down and gently urged Sara to sit down before she placed the tip of the inhaler in her twin’s mouth and pushed the nozzle, giving Sara a much needed breath. Sara laid down on her back as her lungs started to work like normal again.

Tegan tossed the inhaler onto Sara’s bed once she was sure her sister was okay again. She slowly reached a hand forward and grabbed the hem of Sara’s shirt, looking to her twin with questioning eyes. Sara nodded her approval. Tegan lifted the garment up, revealing Sara’s slim, smooth stomach. There was a red spot starting to form from where she had been kicked.

“I’m sorry. That last kick was unnecessary,” Tegan said softly, leaning forward. “Sorry, Sasa.” She kissed the spot on Sara’s stomach, showing tenderness in light of her twin’s scary moment.

“You’re so gay,” Sara laughed, her stomach muscles clenching at the tickling sensation the small metal ball underneath Tegan’s bottom lip left.

“Shut up,” Tegan replied, laughing as well.


	2. The Second Youngest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone. Here's a new chapter of Variations. I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far. Let me know what you guys think.

Quiet seclusion. That’s what she always desired. It was hard for her to enjoy things. It was hard for her to be out in public. But this place? The town library? That was perfect for her. She could go out in public and still enjoy peace and quiet. Sara Quin didn’t talk. She chose not to. She wasn’t sure what it was, what had caused her to withdraw the way she had from all the people around, but she had. Social anxiety. That’s what people called it. Maybe she had it. Maybe she didn’t. She had never been diagnosed. She never would be. People were a no-no for her.

One person. There was one person in the whole world that she could feel comfortable with. Tegan. Her twin sister Tegan was the kindest, sweetest person in the world. She didn’t get upset with Sara’s lack of communication. She didn’t roll her eyes whenever Sara made her gestures. She only listened, and understood. If people tried to talk to her while Tegan was around, then her twin would step up and give her actions words. Sara could even whisper in her ear if she so wished.

Poor Tegan, though. She had a stuttering problem. No one knew exactly why it was that Tegan stuttered. There were many theories behind it, but since stuttering was such a variable thing, there was no pinpointing the exact cause. Sara always felt bad for her sister as she had to explain things to other people. She could tell it was an uncomfortable time for Tegan. If things got too overwhelming, she would start to move her head and neck in an effort to force the words out. Sara hated it. It was all because of her. But Tegan was so sweet. She never blamed Sara for anything. She was so good to her.

One good thing about it all, was this place. Tegan worked in the library where Sara spent her time. It was the best job for her. She didn’t have to talk a lot. She didn’t work at the desk, so most people didn’t come see her. She stocked books and kept track of various things in the back. She had asked her boss if it was okay for Sara to come by and spend her days there from time to time so that she wouldn’t be the only one home if she didn’t want to be. The head librarian was just the kindest old lady ever.

“Of course, dear,” she had answered. “Your sister’s welcome here anytime.”

And there she sat, in her secluded little corner amongst the books. She was at home in this place. She loved all these books. Fantasy. Romance. Comedy. Horror. Fiction. Nonfiction. Anything she could read, she read. People would pass by every once in a while, but they wouldn’t speak to her. Most of the people that came into this part of the building knew who she was, and knew it would only serve to make her uncomfortable.

*

Tegan walked out of the back room with new books in her hands. S and W. Two different places to go. She walked toward the shelf where her first book would be housed and scanned it. Her title started with Sc. Sa, Sam, Sat, Sc… Sce. Sca, Scar, Sce. There. She placed the book where it belonged and walked on, heading toward the W section of the library. She stopped on her way over first.

“Hey, Sasa,” she said softly, calling her twin’s attention. “How’s everything right now?”

“I’m doing good, Teetee,” Sara whispered with a smile. “How’s work?”

“Running books,” Tegan laughed. “You enjoying yours?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” Tegan smiled, leaning in to plant a quick kiss on Sara’s forehead. “I’ve only got a few more minutes left of work, so we’ll get out of here when I get off, okay?”

“Sure,” Sara replied happily. “I hope the last of your day is good.”

“Thanks, Sasa,” Tegan said before turning to leave.

Sara bit her lip and snuggled into her seat more as she watched her sister leave. She loved Tegan. Tegan was the best. Out of all the people in the world, Tegan was her absolute favorite.

*

W’s. The W section was where she needed to be next. Luckily she had a relatively early W in her hand, so there wouldn’t be much searching for its place. She walked into the aisle that held the shelf she was looking for. A woman was standing in the aisle, scanning the books in front of her. Tegan ducked her head nervously, hoping the person wouldn’t ask her for help. She didn’t mind talking to people sometimes, but it was a little embarrassing to sputter the way she did when someone was waiting on her for assistance.

Tegan stopped near the edge of the shelf and placed the book where it went. She turned to make a quick exit before the woman could see her.

“Excuse me?” the woman asked, causing Tegan to curse in her head. She turned around with a polite smile on her face and waited for the dreaded question of needing help. “Do you have Whispers, by Dean Koontz?”

“I-I-I’m s-s-sorry ma’am,” Tegan replied, her stutter kicking in quickly. “Our oh-only copy is cu-hurently checked ow-ow-out right now.”

“Oh, that’s a shame,” the woman said. “Do you think you could hold it for me when it’s returned?”

“I-I’ll see w-wha-hut I c-can do,” Tegan answered, turning to leave once again.

“Miss?”

Tegan sighed and turned back to the woman. “Y-Yes ma’am?”

“Is everything okay?” the woman asked.

“W-What do you m-m-mean?”

“You seem uncomfortable, and anxious,” the woman replied. “Is something bothering you?”

“N-No ma’am, n-n-nuh-huh-huhthing’s wrong,” Tegan answered, closing her eyes and craning her neck as her stutter worsened. “I-I-I have a st-stuh-stuh-stuh-stutter.”

“Oh, you poor thing,” the woman said, softly. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Tegan replied. “I’ve l-lived with it for a wh-while n-now.”

“Thank you for your help,” the woman offered, letting Tegan go.

“N-no prah-hah-hahblem,” Tegan answered, finally leaving the aisle, “I-I’ll look ih-ih-into r-r-reser-er-erving that book for you.”

“Thank you,” The woman called out in a normal volume.

*

Sara sat near the desk as she waited for Tegan to get off work. Mrs. Moore, the head librarian, was busy looking at papers. Every now and then she would look over to Sara and engage her. Sara didn’t mind. Mrs. Moore was sweet.

“Did you have a good day of reading, Sara?” she asked.

Sara nodded her head, smiling to the woman.

“Did Tegan come by and see you a lot?”

Sara nodded again.

“You two are something else,” the woman laughed. “I keep telling her that she could get in trouble if she doesn’t do her job, but she calls my bluff all the time.”

 _Tegan’s sweet_ , Sara thought. _She loves me._

“What book did you pick out today, sweetie?”

Sara held one hand up before swinging it down quickly.

“Fall?”

Sara nodded happily before pointing to her legs next.

“Knees?”

Sara nodded again.

“Fall On Your Knees!” the old woman said excitedly. Sara giggled and nodded once more, clapping her hands in applause. “Oh, that’s a good one.”

Sara nodded in agreement.

“Y-You ready to g-ho, Sasa?” Tegan asked, stepping up to the two women as their laughter died down. Sara nodded her head and stood up, linking her arms around one of Tegan’s own. Tegan turned to Mrs. Moore with a smile on her face. “W-We’re hu-hu-heading out, Mrs. Mor-or-oore.”

“Okay, Tegan,” Mrs. Moore smiled. “You two be careful out there. I think a storm is whipping up.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Tegan replied before leading Sara out of the double doors at the front of the building.

Once the twins had stepped outside, Sara began to snuggle in closer to Tegan. Their hair whipped in front of their faces as the wind started to pick up.

“You okay, Sasa?” No answer. “Are you a little scared of the storm?

Sara nodded her head in reply. Tegan snaked her arm out of Sara’s grasp and moved it around her shoulders, pulling her twin tighter into her side. “Don’t worry,” she said softly. “Teetee’s here.”


	3. The Second Oldest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody. Here's the next chapter of Variations. I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far. Hopefully all the introductions aren't old. Let me know what you guys think.

She was making a mistake. She had to be. There was a reason that Sara moved. There was a reason that they didn’t see each other as much anymore. Montreal. Tegan was always confused as to why Sara had to move so far away. She could live her own life and still live closer to Vancouver. There was nothing that said she had to move out as far as she did.

Tegan remembered when they first graduated high school. They both got accepted to the same culinary school. Tegan loved that. They would be going together to start their lives as adults. Tegan learned how to be a chef, preparing meals such as lunches or dinners. She enjoyed preparing meals. She felt her creativity explode each and every time she set a plate.

Sara studied baking. She baked bread and sweets. Perhaps her most favorite thing to bake was desserts. She knew her sister had a bit of a sweet tooth. She found it endearing. Tegan would always gush over how amazing Sara’s sweets were.

It left Tegan baffled. She and Sara had such a wonderful relationship when they were going through school. They shared a dorm, which Tegan loved so much. It was just the two of them. Tegan and Sara. How it always had been. How it always should’ve been.

A year after they graduated from culinary school, Sara came home with bad news. She had told Tegan she was preparing to move. Tegan accepted it at first. It was perfectly normal for an adult to want to live on their own. But then she found out where Sara had been planning to move to. Montreal. All the way across the country. They had never been away from each other for that long. Tegan refused to agree to it.

“It’s my life Tegan, so it’s my choice,” Sara had said. She was gone within two months.

This was life for her now. Tegan would visit Sara, Sara would visit Tegan. There was always planning. Always, always planning. Sara didn’t like for Tegan to make these spontaneous trips to Montreal to surprise her.

Oops.

Tegan stood nervously at her sister’s door. She slowly reached her hand up and knocked, hoping against hope that this time Sara would actually be happy to see her. She missed her. She missed her twin. It had been months since either had been to see the other. Work was too much. But Tegan had a plan now. She had it all thought out.

“Tegan? What are you doing here?” Sara asked as she opened the door, a look of shock on her face.

“Good to see you, too,” Tegan replied sadly.

“No, no, of course it’s good to see you,” Sara corrected, stepping to the side and holding the door open. “Come in, come in.”

*

“You working on something?” Tegan asked upon stepping into Sara’s kitchen. She spied various things strewn about, bowls, flour, egg shells, etc.

“Yeah, yeah,” Sara answered. “I was trying out a new butter tart recipe.”

“Ooh, yum,” Tegan replied, smiling at the mention of sweets.

“Of course you would react like that,” Sara laughed before reaching into her fridge. “I’m just about to try them out.”

“It’s been so long since I’ve had a butter tart,” Tegan commented.

“I know,” Sara replied. She picked up the box she had set her desserts in and brought it out. She set the box down on the table and lifted the lid, smiling to Tegan as she pulled a tart out. “I had been thinking about them for a couple of days and thought about making some.”

“Yeah.” Tegan watched as Sara took a bite of the pastry.

“Mmm,” Sara moaned as she closed her eyes and chewed. “Not to toot my own horn, but this is really good.”

Sara handed the tart over to Tegan, who took it happily. She smiled to her twin before taking a bite from the same location. She rolled her head back in a partial show as she enjoyed the flavor that washed over her. “Mmm, Sasa,” she said dreamily. “You’ve done it again.”

“You always say that,” Sara laughed.

“It’s true.”

*

“So what made you come here?” Sara asked. She and Tegan had moved on to the living room after having sampled her dessert. They each sat on the couch, leaving one cushion between them.

“I just thought it’d be nice to come surprise you,” Tegan replied with a shrug.

“That’s sweet, Tegan, it really is,” Sara said. “But what about your work?”

“I used some vacation days so I could be here for the weekend,” Tegan answered.

“Tegan–”

“I just wanted to come see you, okay?” Tegan interrupted. “You’re my sister. We don’t see each other except for holidays and our birthday. What’s so wrong with spending time together?”

“There’s nothing wrong with it, Tegan, I just…” Sara sighed. “I wish you would’ve at least called me and told me you were coming.”

“Why, so you could tell me not to?” Tegan countered.

“You can’t just guilt me into going along with your ideas, Tegan,” Sara replied. “We each have lives to live and we can’t just tell the world to stop so we can have twin time. It doesn’t work like that.”

“I’m not trying to make the world stop so we can have twin time,” Tegan said. “I just wanted to come see you. I did what an adult would do, and I used my vacation days. I didn’t just up and leave.”

“Yes, you used your vacation days,” Sara nodded. “But you failed to confirm plans with me. I could’ve been busy at my bakery today for you all you know. What would you have done then?”

“I don’t know,” Tegan shrugged dejectedly.

“What if I would’ve been out of town for the weekend? What would you have done then?”

“I don’t know.”

“What if I would’ve–”

“I get it, I’m stupid!” Tegan shouted, standing up from her spot. She walked over to her bag she had left by the door and picked it up. “I’ll go get a hotel room tonight and head home in the morning. You don’t have to put up with me.”

“Tegan, that’s not what I was saying,” Sara replied, rushing to her sister’s side. “I’m just trying to say that you need to think things through first.”

“I just wanted to come see you and I thought… it was stupid, but I thought you would enjoy the surprise for a change,” Tegan lamented.

“I do, Tegan,” Sara said softly. She reached out and hugged her twin tightly. “I love spending time with you.”

“I love spending time with you, too,” Tegan replied.

“Why don’t you go put your things in the guest room and we’ll go out for dinner, okay?” Sara suggested, ending the hug.

“Okay,” Tegan smiled before walking toward the hall.

Sara waited for a moment for Tegan to return from the guest room. “Ready to go?” she asked, grabbing her door key from the hook by the door.

“Yeah, let’s go,” Tegan replied, nodding her head.

Sara turned and opened the door, ready to step out. She barely got the door open before slamming it shut quickly again. “You might wanna go get a jacket,” she said. “The wind’s a bitch out there for some reason.”

“Oh,” Tegan said, shocked by the revelation. “That’s weird, there hasn’t been a hint of wind since I got here.”

“Yeah, I know,” Sara answered, following Tegan down the hall and to her own room.


	4. The Oldest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone. Here's another new chapter of Variations. This is a special chapter for me. This is my first time writing a sex scene for a story. I hope everyone enjoys, and I hope the scene is done right (good). Please let me know what you guys think.

What are you doing?

I’m out with some friends, why?

Is it important?

Not really. You need something?

I need you.

Oh.

Can you get away?

Yeah, but, idk about it.

Why?

I can’t just tell my friends that I’m bailing on them to have sex with my sister.

You’re going to have to delete that.

I know.

I need you so bad, Teetee.

I’ll be there in a minute.

Please hurry.

I’ll try.

Do you want to delete message: I can’t just tell my fr…?

Tegan looked up from her phone as the message was deleted. She smiled as one of her friends made a joke about something. She wasn’t entirely sure what they were all talking about. Sara needed her. She needed her in the way they had agreed to be there for each other. The way that sisters should not be there for each other.

“Hey, you guys, I have to go,” Tegan announced suddenly, standing from her spot at the table where the group had been having lunch. “My sister texted me and she needs help um… putting something together.”

“Putting something together?” her friend Lindsey asked, confused.

“Yeah,” Tegan said, starting to walk off. “You know Ikea, confusing shit and all that stuff.”

*

“Hurry, hurry,” Sara said as she quickly pulled her twin inside. She shut the door swiftly and locked it behind them before rushing off to the bedroom with Tegan in tow. She shut that door and locked it as well before she began removing her clothes. “On the bed.”

“I told my friends that you needed help putting something together in case they ask you,” Tegan informed, following Sara’s lead.

“Okay,” Sara replied.

Tegan removed the last of her clothing before she walked over to Sara’s side. She placed a series of kisses along her twin’s neck. “What do you want to do today?”

“Shh, no talking,” Sara whispered. She grabbed Tegan and pushed her down onto the bed before crawling over her. “Just sex.”

This was the deal. Not always silent, but sex. They had agreed some time ago that they would enter into “no strings attached sex”. The only problem was, Tegan wasn’t sure it was actually no strings attached. She enjoyed spending time with Sara. Not just the times that they found themselves in a bed or wherever they happened to conduct their liaisons, but she legitimately liked being with her twin. She knew Sara didn’t feel the same way, though. How could she? What they were already was too weird to have happened.

Sara wasn’t sure that their relationship really was “no strings attached” honestly. She enjoyed spending time with Tegan. Not just the times that they found themselves in a bed or wherever they happened to conduct their liaisons, but she legitimately liked being with her twin. She knew Tegan didn’t feel the same way, though. How could she? What they were already was too weird to have happened.

Sara palmed one of Tegan’s breasts as she teased the other’s nipple with her breath. Tegan’s breathing picked up, growing heavier as her body reached the need that Sara’s already had. Tegan reached her hands behind Sara and grabbed handfuls of the soft flesh of her bottom. Sara took Tegan’s nipple into her mouth after what felt like an eternity to the older twin.

Tegan threw her head back in pleasure as Sara toyed with the hardened bud with her tongue. She pinched the other nipple with her fingers, causing Tegan to moan out. Soon, Sara switched, toying with the now wet nipple with her fingers and taking the other into her mouth to replace its double.

Tegan was beginning to grow impatient. Apparently Sara’s game today was annoyance. Tegan decided that once Sara moved away from her chest again, she would flip them and take the lead herself. Then she would show her twin how agonizing waiting was.

Sara removed her mouth from Tegan’s breast and blew, cooling the nipple and sending more pleasure to her twin. Tegan moaned in approval as Sara moved her hand down to tease her center. Sara ran her fingers along the lips, holding off on entering as Tegan came back down from the sensation from her chest. She remembered her plan.

Tegan flipped Sara over onto the bed and climbed on top of her. She looked down to her twin devilishly. Sara smiled back, waiting to see what Tegan had in store for her. Tegan used both hands to play with each of Sara’s breasts, squeezing, groping. She ran her thumbs across the nipples repeatedly, working them into tight spires of arousal. She bent down and kissed each breast. She looked up and caught Sara’s eyes. They were glazed over with lust. Tegan felt pride inside as she knew that Sara was beginning to feel the same impatience that she had earlier. She decided to prolong it.

She removed her hands from Sara’s chest and slid them down her body. Sara’s stomach quivered as Tegan’s fingers slowly made their way downward. Tegan stopped at Sara’s hips, moving her hands from side to side, teasingly. Sara huffed in annoyance. She was ready. She was so ready.

_I need you, Teetee._

Tegan moved back and looked at her sister’s folds. She was wet. So wet. Tegan moved forward and licked, causing Sara’s body to respond with urgency.

Not yet, Tegan thought. She moved her head back and smirked to her twin triumphantly. Sara looked back with agitation. She grabbed at Tegan’s head, but the older twin moved away. Tegan laughed a little before giving in and moving back in between Sara’s legs. Sara moaned as Tegan ran her tongue back over her slit. She reached down and buried her fingers in her twin’s hair, urging Tegan to give her release.

Tegan accompanied her tongue with fingers, working Sara from various angles in the small space of her love. Sara started to break her rule for this session. She began vocalizing her pleasure and her encouragement to Tegan. Tegan loved it. She felt like a champion. Sara had said this time was just sex, but she had made her forgo that. That was definitely a win.

Sara began to buck her hips into Tegan’s face, coating her face with her juices. Tegan worked her fingers faster. She knew Sara was getting close. She knew Sara wouldn’t be long.

“Tegan. Tegan… Tegan, I’m so close,” Sara moaned out. She rubbed herself up and down on Tegan’s face and fingers, hoping to reach her climax faster. She needed Tegan, and Tegan was not failing her.

 _I love her_ , she thought. _If only…_

 _I love her_ , Tegan thought. _If only…_

“Fuck!” Sara hit her orgasm with blinding ecstasy. She steadied her body as Tegan allowed her to ride out her pleasure. Sara was sure she had pulled some of Tegan’s hair. She knew Tegan wouldn’t hold it against her, however. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, you had no control over the things you did.

Tegan slowly removed her fingers from Sara’s dripping center and placed a sweet kiss upon her throbbing bud. She sat up straight and sucked her fingers clean, maintaining eye contact with her twin. She removed her hand and wiped her mouth and chin with the back of it, cleaning the last remnants of Sara’s arousal off of her.

Sara smiled up to her twin and reached her hands out. Tegan accepted the offer and moved her body down to her twin, allowing Sara to embrace her momentarily before they were to get dressed again.

“Thank you,” Sara said softly, connecting their lips. She could taste herself on Tegan’s tongue. “You need a go?”

“Sure,” Tegan replied, rolling over onto her back. “It shouldn’t be that long.”

Sara climbed on top of Tegan, ready to return the favor. Leaves began to hit the glass of Sara’s window as the wind started to whip up outside.


	5. Blondie & Spike

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone. Here is the next chapter of Variations. I hope everyone is continuing to enjoy the story. Let me know what you guys think.

The wind finally stopped. Tegan was glad for that. It had started getting too heavy for her liking. She could hear the house shaking. Was it a tornado? Did tornadoes hit Calgary? She had remembered hearing about some hitting around the city when she was younger, but she couldn’t remember ever hearing one actually hit the city itself. Maybe this was the first. The power had gone out, too, casting her and Sara into darkness. It must have been a tornado.

The lights came back on. She was happy for that. But… something was off.

She was standing. She hadn’t been doing that. She was sitting beside Sara on the floor of her sister’s bedroom. They had just had a fight, and Sara had an asthma attack afterward. They hadn’t gotten up just yet. And… another oddity… they were outside. What happened?

“Is everyone okay?” a voice asked, startling Tegan. The voice, she couldn’t quite place it, but it sounded oddly familiar. Like someone she knew, but older. Maybe their mother?

“What the fuck?” she heard Sara ask. She looked to her right to see Sara was standing beside her as well. But… she hadn’t said anything. She was too close. The voice of Sara that she had heard sounded further away from her. What was going on?

“You’re probably all wondering why you’re here,” another voice said. This one was like the first, familiar but older. Tegan looked over to where the voice had come from.

A pair of elderly women stood there, scanning… something. Tegan followed their eyes, but she wasn’t sure she was seeing what she was seeing. Another Sara. Another her. And another. And another. There were three extra versions of them, all lined up to the side. They each looked different, but Tegan could tell herself and her sister anywhere.

“What’s going on?” One of the Tegan’s asked, putting words to her own thoughts.

“In due time, Tegan,” one of the old ladies said. “Introductions first.”

“Introductions?” Sara, her Sara, asked.

“Yes, introductions,” the woman replied. “You all need to get to know each other.”

“I’m Tegan, that’s Sara,” Tegan said sarcastically. “We all get the idea.”

“Classic Tegan,” the woman laughed. “Let’s try it this way. I, am Sara. This is my sister, Tegan.”

“We’ve brought you all here, because we’ve been observing you,” the other woman, Tegan, added. “You all have some sort of problems in your lives, and we’d like to help you overcome them.”

“Problems?” the Tegan on the farthest end asked. “What kind of problems?”

“Lots of problems, really,” the old Tegan replied. “You all have the potential to be much, much closer than what you are.”

“Are you calling us sister fuckers?” Tegan asked angrily. “Because I swear to god, I will beat your old ass down.”

“Maybe those two,” Sara whispered, pointing to the pair beside them. The Sara from that pair had her face buried in that Tegan’s chest. That Tegan had her arms around her sister, rubbing her hands up and down her back in an effort to soothe her. She looked over when the twins started laughing.

“I don’t f-fu-fuh-fuck my s-sister,” she bit. “Sh-sh-she’s scared.”

“Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-she’s scuh-scuh-scuh-scuh-scared.” Tegan mocked, causing Sara to laugh more.

“F-Fuh-Fuck you,” the other Tegan replied angrily, with a hint of tears in her voice.

“You two!” the old Sara shouted, causing Tegan and Sara to stiffen up. “Act right or else!”

“Who are you to–” Sara began.

“Or else!”

“Yes ma’am,” Sara replied dejectedly.

“You all better get along, because you’ll be here for the foreseeable future,” the old Sara said, turning to look at all of the twins. “Until you fix your problems, you stay with us.”

“And what if we object?” Another Tegan asked.

“You don’t have a choice,” old Sara said.

“We’ve been watching you all for quite some time now,” the old Tegan spoke up. “Each and every one of you has had an opportunity to reach a new phase in your lives, but you haven’t done it yet. Whether it be because you don’t know any better, or you’re too shy, or you’re too stubborn, or you’re too scared.”

“We’ll give you all the time you need here,” old Sara continued. “Time doesn’t move in this place, we made sure of it. The worlds you all came from have been put on pause, so to speak. When we send you back, it’ll be like you never left. Until then, make yourselves at home.”

“Make ourselves at home?” Tegan asked. “Where? In this giant field?”

“We thought you would ask about that,” the old Tegan laughed. She raised one hand in the air and waved it in a small circle. Eight buildings, four to the left and four to the right, began to spring up from the ground. All of the twins watched on in awe. “There you go.”

“You each get your very own little dormitory,” old Sara added, smiling to everyone. “Enjoy.”

“Okay, great, we know where we’re going to ‘live,’” Sara said, rolling her eyes. “What about clothes, and food, and shit like that?”

“You’re all covered,” old Sara replied. She pointed to the right and motioned toward the buildings on that side. “Sara’s will be living over there.”

“Tegan’s on that side,” old Tegan added, pointing to the left. “Any questions?”

“Are we just supposed to call each other Tegan and Sara, and hope everyone knows who we mean?” One of the Tegan’s asked.

“Okay, names,” old Tegan replied. “You two, troublemakers over there. Blondie and Spike. Good with you?”

“Sure,” Tegan replied, looking over to her twin.

“Yeah, sure,” Sara answered.

“Next, you two,” old Tegan continued on to the next pair, her voice softer than it had been. “What do you like to do?”

“S-S-Sara likes to r-ruh-ruh-read,” the stuttering Tegan replied.

“Well, Sara,” the old Tegan said softly, “How does Bookworm sound to you?”

The quiet Sara removed her face from the stuttering Tegan’s chest and whispered in her ear. The stuttering Tegan nodded and quiet Sara returned to her previous position.

“Sh-she said she l-likes thuh-hat,” stutter Tegan answered for her.

“Okay,” old Tegan smiled. “And since you talk for her, how about we call you Voice?”

“Th-That’s fine w-wih-with me.”

“Okay then,” the old Tegan continued. “You two. What do you like to do?”

“Well, I’m a baker, and Tegan’s a chef,” that Sara replied.

“There we go then, Baker and Chef,” old Tegan said.

“Cool,” Chef Tegan replied.

“And last but not least,” the old Tegan said, moving on to the last pair. “What about you two?”

“I’m an author and Sara’s an artist,” that Tegan answered.

“Okay…” the old Tegan nodded, taking time to think. “How about Painter and Writer?”

“Those work,” Painter Sara said.

“Alright then,” old Sara smiled. “You all have nicknames to use.”

“What about you two?” Tegan asked. “Why should you two just get to be Tegan and Sara?”

“Yeah, how is that fair?” Sara added.

“Okay, you don’t like that arrangement,” old Sara replied.

“We can make up our own nicknames as well,” old Tegan suggested. “Then no one has exclusive rights to being called Tegan or Sara.”

“Okay,” old Sara smiled, turning to the four sets of twins. “You can all call me, Seer, and Tegan, Watcher. How does that sound?.”

“Okay,” Tegan replied.

“Alright then,” Seer repeated. “Now that that’s all settled, we hope the eight of you can get acclimated here easily enough, and we’ll see you later.”

The two elderly twins disappeared in a flash of light before any other questions could be asked, leaving all the other twins confused. Tegan looked over to her right and spied all the others. They were them. All of them. And they each had something different about them. But they were all the same. It was oddly poetic. It was like herself and Sara, but cranked up three times over. They were the same, but different.

Sara turned to Tegan with a wary smile on her face and motioned her thumb off to the “dorms” they had all been assigned to.

“I guess I better go get settled in,” she said.

“Yeah, guess so,” Tegan replied, rubbing the back of her neck uncomfortably. “You think you can live on your own?”

“Yeah, I’ll manage,” Sara laughed, holding her hand out toward her sister. “I’ll see you plenty, though.”

Tegan pushed Sara’s hand out of the way and wrapped her in a loose hug. “Good luck, Sara.”

“You, too, Teetee,” Sara replied softly, hugging her twin back. “Try not to take the others’ heads off.”

“You either,” Tegan laughed before letting her sister go and walking toward the buildings that she and all the other versions of herself would be staying. She looked back over her shoulder as she neared one of the buildings and spied Sara, her Sara. Sara turned back as she grew closer to her own building and caught her sister’s eyes, waving to her before stepping inside. Tegan waved back and followed suit, opening the door to the building she had chosen and heading inside.


	6. Voice & Bookworm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone. I know it's been a couple of weeks since the last time, but here's another new chapter of Variations. I hope everyone is still enjoying the story. Let me know what you guys think.

_“You’ll be okay, Sasa. I’ll be right across the field if you need me. All you have to do is walk on over and come see me. I’ll be right here for you and you can come visit me whenever you want, or I can come visit you.”_

Sara sat quietly in the dorm she had picked out for herself. She was relieved when she opened the door and found multiple shelves full of books for her to read. Perhaps she hadn’t chosen the building after all. Perhaps the building had chosen her.

After the novelty of having all these books with her wore off, it hit her. She was alone for the first time ever. She had never lived on her own before. Sure Tegan was right across the field from her, but she wasn’t right there. Sara couldn’t just call out for her twin and have Tegan come to her. They would have to walk.

“It’s okay, Sara,” she told herself. It was a habit she had developed during her time alone. She didn’t talk too much, meaning her voice would be horse and out of practice if she did eventually try, so she decided to talk to herself. She could do that much. She knew herself very well. It wasn’t like talking to some random person. “Tegan isn’t gone. She’s right over there and you can go see her if you want.”

She walked over to the shelves and inspected them. It definitely wasn’t anything compared to Tegan’s library, but it was pretty nice. So many books and they were all for her. Sara smiled widely at the thought. No one else was going to be touching these books. They all belonged to her. Every last one of them. Maybe this was heaven. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. If it were heaven, then Tegan would be right beside her.

She wondered how Tegan was holding up. She knew Tegan wasn’t quite like her. Her sister stuttered, but she could actually interact with other people. She didn’t have to hide away and rely on someone else to speak for her. She wished she could be as brave as Tegan.

*

Tegan was nervous. She sat alone in her building at the window, staring through the blinds and across the field to Sara’s own building. Was Sara okay? Was she freaking out over something? Was she sitting on her bed, huddled under the covers and crying? What was going on over there, and why wasn’t Tegan being a better sister by going to check it out?

Maybe she wouldn’t be allowed to. Who was to say that the elderly twins wouldn’t pop up in front of her the moment she stepped outside the door?

She wanted to go see her twin, but deep down she had the feeling that being over there alone could be good for Sara. She was with other versions of herself, so maybe it wouldn’t be like she was surrounded by strangers. Maybe Sara would be able to carry endless conversations with them.

She guessed she should go out and meet the other Tegan’s. Again, the thought of the old twins popping up and forcing her back inside rose, but she assumed that the reason they were separated the way they were was so that they could at least interact with their others. She would see Sara afterward, she decided. To hell with those spinsters.

Tegan stepped out of her building and looked to both sides. She turned to the right and knocked on the door. She hoped that she picked a good one.

“Well, if it isn’t ol’ m-muh-mush mouth,” Spike cracked as she answered the door, causing Tegan’s mood to plummet even more.

“Sh-Shuh-Shut up,” Tegan bit, trying to will herself to not stutter. One thing she knew she could control however, were her tears. She would not cry in front of this person. She would not give her the satisfaction. “I just c-came over to say hell-hell-hello.”

“Hey,” Spike replied, leaning against her door frame. “You wanna come in?”

“Wh-Why would I want to do-hoo that?” Tegan asked.

Spike shrugged and looked down to the ground below her. “I deserve that.”

“Yes you do.”

“You and your sister,” Spike said, ignoring Tegan’s comment. “What’s the deal with you two?”

“I was just s-s-saying hi,” Tegan replied before turning to leave. She heard Spike mumble something before closing the door behind her. Tegan looked over to the next dorm, the one to the left of her own. Nowhere to go but up, she thought as she walked over to the building and knocked on the door.

“Oh, hello,” Chef smiled upon answering her door. “You’re Voice, right?”

“Yeah,” Tegan replied, smiling at how nice this version of herself was compared to the previous one. “I was cuh-huhming around and s-saying hi to all of the Tee-heegan’s.”

“Well hello,” Chef said. “I’m Chef, in case you weren’t sure.”

“Yeah,” Tegan smiled.

“Did you want to come in for a bit, or are you on your way to see the others?” Chef asked, stepping to the side and pointing her thumb back toward the inside of her building.

“Thanks, but I’m g-gonna say hey to Wr-Writer and then huh-head over to see Sara,” Tegan answered. “I mean, B-Buh-hook-hookworm.”

“That’s cool,” Chef said, nodding her head. “I hope you have a good time over there with her.”

“Thanks,” Tegan smiled before walking on to the last building. She knocked on the door as she had with the others and waited.

“Oh,” Writer answered her door in surprise. Who could she have been expecting at the door if not one of the other Tegan’s? “Hi.”

“Huh-hello,” Tegan answered. “I’m g-going around and saying hi t-to all of the Tegan’s.”

“That’s nice of you,” Writer smiled. “Voice?”

“Yes.”

“Did you want to stop in for a bit?”

“N-No,” Tegan replied, shaking her head. “I’m huh-heading over to see S-Sara. Thank you, though.”

“Your Sara is Bookworm, right?” Writer asked.

“Yeah,” Tegan answered. “Y-Yours is Pay-hay-hainter, right?”

“Yeah,” Writer smiled. “I assume she’ll be sneaking her way over here in a bit.”

“That’s sweet,” Tegan replied. “I guh-hess I better b-b-be going nuh-now.”

“Okay. I hope you have fun with Bookworm.”

“Thanks,” Tegan said before turning and leaving. _So she was waiting for her Sara_ , she thought to herself as she started across the field. That was sweet that they were that close. She wondered if the others were. She knew that she was close to her own Sara, but she wasn’t sure about Chef and Spike. With the way Spike and Blondie were from the little time she had spent interacting with them, she assumed even they didn’t enjoy each other’s company. Then again, they both seemed rude, so maybe they were the only people that could stand being around them.

She didn’t know anything about Chef and Baker. Maybe they were close, maybe they weren’t. They had similar professions, so she leaned closer toward maybe. She could always be wrong, however.

*

Sara peeked out her window, seeing if maybe one of the others were trying to stop by and talk to her. She didn’t mean to appear rude, but she wasn’t sure she could handle it. She had placed a small sign on the door. Please don’t make me talk, it read. Hopefully that got the message across. She wasn’t being snobby and just not talking to the other versions of herself, she was afraid and didn’t want to be forced into a situation that she couldn’t handle being in.

She smiled as she caught sight of Tegan walking toward her door, however. She could spend time with Tegan, no problem. She ripped open the door and ran to her twin, throwing her arms around Tegan’s neck and knocking her down to the ground.

“Whoa, Sasa,” Tegan laughed. “I wasn’t ready.”

“Sorry,” Sara replied, laughing along with her twin. “I was just so happy to see you coming over here.”

“I was worried about you,” Tegan said as the twins stood back up. “I know you don’t like to be alone in the house, so I thought I’d come over and keep you company.”

“That’s sweet, Teetee,” Sara smiled. “I had a sign on the door in case the other Sara’s came by.”

“I’m sorry you had to do that,” Tegan said softly.

“It’s okay,” Sara whispered, nuzzling into Tegan’s front. “You’re here now.”

“Attention all Tegan’s and Sara’s,” one of the elderly twins’ voices rang out from nowhere. Tegan and Sara both looked up to the sky in confusion as they listened. “Tonight we’ll be getting to know one another. Meet me and Seer in the field in a few hours and we’ll head out to the meeting spot. Thank you.”

“Meeting spot?” Sara questioned.

“Beats me,” Tegan shrugged, looking back to her twin. “You wanna go hang out in your place until then?”

“Yes please,” Sara smiled before removing herself from Tegan. She reached back and grabbed her sister’s hand, leading her inside the building that she was to live in for the time being and shutting the door behind them.


	7. Baker & Chef

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. Here's another new chapter of Variations. I hope everyone is still enjoying the story, and that the beginning hasn't dragged on too long for anyone. Let me know what you guys think.

Tegan stood out in the field with the others. She looked around to see if her Sara had shown up. She couldn’t find her at all.

“Chef,” Watcher called out, grabbing Tegan’s attention. “Where’s Baker?”

“I don’t know,” Tegan replied, shrugging her shoulders. “Maybe she’s baking something.”

“Just a second,” Watcher replied, closing her eyes.

*

“Baker, we’re waiting for you.”

Sara jumped at the sound of someone talking above her. She didn’t like that at all. Something about it was unsettling.

“I’m changing clothes right now. I was thinking about baking something and got a little dirty,” Sara replied, eyes widening in realization. She looked down to her shirtless body and quickly covered her chest with her arms. “You can’t see me, can you?”

“No,” the voice chuckled. “Try to hurry, okay?”

“I’ll be there in a bit, yeah,” Sara replied, walking over to the closet and searching through the clothes that had come with the building. It was amazing. These two, however they were doing these things, they got her entire closet right. All of her clothes were here. She reached in and took a short sleeved stripped shirt from one of the hangers and put it on before heading out the door and joining the others.

*

“Okay, everyone’s here now,” Seer noted, looking out at the sets of twins. “How are you all doing so far?”

“Okay,” most twins answered in unison. Tegan noted that Bookworm only held up the okay sign with her fingers.

“Alright,” Seer continued. “We’ll be heading out over here behind us to this small clearing in this forest.”

“We’ll be spending the night out getting to know each other a little better,” Watcher added. “Think of it as your first day at camp.”

“I thought you guys said time doesn’t move in this place,” Tegan spoke up. “How are we going to spending a night out if time doesn’t move?”

“It’s a formality,” Watcher replied. “There really is no time here, but for the sake of normalcy, the sun rises and sets.”

“Okay then,” Tegan said, nodding her head.

“Alright, now that that’s out of the way,” Seer said. “Let’s get going.”

*

It was starting to get dark and Sara was beginning to wonder if there really was some meeting spot. Maybe there wasn’t and these two women were going to do something to them. Maybe they were going to mess with their minds and then send them back home to mess with other people’s minds. She reached over somewhat in front of her and grabbed Tegan’s hand, slowing her own pace to let them fall behind a little.

“What’s up?” Tegan whispered.

“How do we know there’s actually some sort of meeting spot?” Sara asked. “How do we know these two aren’t up to something?”

“I don’t know,” Tegan shrugged. “I guess since they’re supposed to be us, they’re easy to trust.”

“Maybe,” Sara replied. The twins started to pick up their pace and move back to where they had been, their hands still interlocked. “Maybe I’m just freaking out over nothing.”

“Alright, this is it,” Seer spoke up, grabbing everyone’s attention. Tegan and Sara followed Writer and Painter into a small circle in between the trees. There was a fire pit in the middle with sets of logs around it. _Holy shit, this **is** camp_ , Sara thought as the other two sets of twins walked past her and Tegan.

“You all can take your seats wherever you like,” Seer announced. “We encourage that twins sit with twins, however.”

Tegan and Sara watched as the other twins chose their seats, each set choosing to sit together as Seer had said was encouraged. Tegan looked over to her sister and pointed to the last empty seat, before walking over toward it. Sara followed behind her and looked down at the log questioningly.

“Hey, um, uh… Seer?” she asked.

“Yes, Baker?”

“Can we just sit on the ground instead of this log?” Sara asked, looking up to the elderly version of herself. “I just feel like these logs will start to hurt your ass after a while.”

“Yeah, sure,” Seer replied, lifting her arm toward Sara. A blanket materialized in the air in front of Sara, hanging there and waiting for her to grab it. Sara reached forward and grabbed the blanket with a smile, thanking the woman for giving her something to cover the ground with. “Does anyone else want to sit on the ground instead?”

The other sets agreed with Sara, each one receiving a blanket and spreading it out on the ground to sit upon. The elderly twins created their own blanket and placed it on the ground as well, sitting as the eight others had before.

“Okay, so what’s the deal with this?” Blondie spoke up. “Do we just sit out here and hope we all talk, or what are we doing?”

“Well, first things first,” Watcher answered. “How old are you and Spike?”

“Nineteen, why?” Blondie replied, confused.

“You’re nineteen?” Sara asked.

“Yeah,” Blondie said, looking over toward Sara now. “Aren’t you guys?”

“No,” Sara answered, shaking her head.

“How old are you?” Blondie asked.

“In due time, Blondie,” Seer spoke up before Sara could answer. “We’ll go in order, okay?”

“Voice, Bookworm, how old are you?” Watcher asked, turning to the next set of twins.

“W-We’re twin-twin-twenty-fuh-fuh-hor,” Voice stammered.

“Alright,” Seer nodded, turning to Tegan and Sara. “And you two?”

“We’re twenty-seven,” Tegan spoke up.

“And you?” Seer asked, looking to Writer and Painter.

“Thirty,” Painter said.

Sara was still confused. How could they all be different ages? They were the same people. If she and Tegan were twenty-seven, then all of them should be twenty-seven.

“I don’t get it. How can we all be different ages if we’re all the same people?” Blondie asked, voicing Sara’s own thoughts.

“Well,” Seer began. “All of your worlds began at different times. While in one universe the year is 2010, in another, the year is only 2004.”

“So, we’ll become them later?” Spike asked.

“No,” Watcher replied. “You will always be you. The different worlds have bred different versions of you. You are the same people, and you are not the same people.”

“Whatever,” Spike said dismissively.

“I’m sure you all don’t want to hear the boring details right now,” Seer smiled, looking upon all the twins. “How about we share a little bit about ourselves? Blondie, Spike, would you like to go first?”

“I don’t really have anything to say,” Spike replied.

“Nothing important, no,” Blondie added.

“Okay. Someone else?” the rest were silent. Sara looked around her to the others. Blondie and Spike were being normal teenagers, refusing to share anything about themselves. She knew that Voice and Bookworm wouldn’t be speaking up, either. Bookworm wasn’t a talker, and it seemed Voice tried to avoid speaking unless she absolutely had to. Painter and Writer seemed to not want to share anything as well. That left her and Tegan. She turned back to her sister with questioning eyes, seeing if Tegan would be the one to speak up.

“I have an incredible sweet tooth,” Tegan spoke up. Sara smiled proudly. Her sister was the first one to break the silence. And the first thing she mentioned was her sweet tooth. Sara knew what would come next. “I love to eat candy, and cakes, and pies. The best ones I’ve ever had were made by Sara, Baker, I mean.”

“That’s sweet,” Watcher laughed. “No pun intended. Anyone else?”

“I own a small bakery back home,” Sara said, smiling more as she thought about her business. “I’m really popular around the city.”

“That’s great, Baker,” Seer said. “Does someone else want to share?”

“I have a painting in the local museum back home,” Painter spoke up. “They have a section dedicated to local artists.”

“Congratulations,” Seer smiled before turning to Writer. “Writer, what about you? Anything special going on right now?”

“Not at the moment, no,” Writer replied. “I’m kind of in between novels right now.”

“Well, I’m sure the break has been nice,” Seer said.

“It has,” Writer smiled. “Been spending a lot of time with Sa– Painter.”

“That’s always nice,” Watcher spoke up, looking to her own twin. “Any of you others been spending lots of time together?”

“Too much,” Spike said with a humorless laugh.

“Yeah, well, fuck you, too,” Blondie replied angrily, punching her sister’s arm.

“Hey, fuck you,” Spike bit, shoving Blondie over. Blondie got up, ready to pounce on her twin.

“Hey!” Seer shouted, halting the two from fighting any further. “Sit down and apologize to your sister. The both of you.”

“Sorry,” Spike said dejectedly as Blondie sat back down beside her.

“Sorry,” Blondie replied quietly.

“We-we’ve been spending a l-lah-hot of time t-togeh-hether,” Voice offered, diverting attention from the youngest set of twins. “S-Sara, I mean B-B-Bookworm and I live together.”

“That’s always sweet,” Watcher smiled fondly. “When you get to live with your twin.”

“We live together, too,” Blondie said softly. “It’s not always easy.”

“I understand that,” Seer replied. “You’re at that age where it’s hard to get along with each other.”

“We get along,” Spike answered, a hint of sadness in her voice. “We just fight sometimes, is all.”

“Maybe that’s enough sharing for tonight, yeah?” Watcher said, looking out to the others. “You guys ready to go get settled in for the night?”

“Sure,” most of the twins replied. Sara noted that the two youngest sets remained quiet. Maybe Blondie and Spike were embarrassed by how they had acted in front of everyone. Sara knew that if she had fought with Tegan like that, she would be. Back when they were younger, and actually physically fighting, she remembered getting embarrassed if people were around.

As for Voice and Bookworm, Sara had a feeling that maybe they didn’t want to be separated again. She had a good feeling that they hadn’t spent the night away from each other ever. She noticed how extra tightly they clung to each other as everyone got up and started making their way back to the field were the dorms were. She felt bad for them.

*

“So what were you thinking about baking earlier?” Tegan asked as she and Sara fell in line behind the oldest set of twins on their way back to the dorms.

“I was going to make another batch of those butter tarts since we didn’t get to eat them back home,” Sara replied.

“Yeah,” Tegan nodded. “Did you get them made?”

“No, I thought of the idea too late, and then I had to check the cabinets and stuff to see if I had the supplies,” Sara laughed. “I spilled some flour on my shirt, that’s why I had to change.”

“You’re such a klutz,” Tegan chuckled.

“Says Ms. Arm Breaker,” Sara replied.

“Hey,” Tegan said, holding her right arm up to Sara. “Apologize to her.”

“I’m sorry Tegan’s arm, I didn’t mean to make light of your misfortune,” Sara apologized playfully.

“Now give her a kiss.”

“Tegan–”

“Make her feel better.”

“You arm hasn’t even been broken for a long time now,” Sara laughed. “You really think it needs to feel better?”

“You’re hurting her feelings,” Tegan continued, playfully moving her arm closer to Sara. “You laughed about her getting broken and now you’re calling her an it.”

“Fine,” Sara leaned in quickly and kissed Tegan’s arm before pulling back and laughing some more. “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” Tegan smiled, moving her arm back to her side as the group made it back to the field where the buildings stood.

“I guess I’ll have to make those tarts tomorrow,” Sara said. She turned to Tegan and gave her a hug before stepping back to go to her dorm for the night. “You wanna come over after I get them made and have some with me?”

“Yeah, sure,” Tegan replied, smiling widely at the thought of eating another dessert made by her twin. “I could um… I could even come and help if you want.”

“We’ve never baked anything together before,” Sara said.

“Sorry,” Tegan apologized, looking to the ground in embarrassment. She should’ve known better. Sara moved across a country to get away from her. If she wanted to do things like that with Tegan, she would’ve stayed.

“No, don’t apologize,” Sara said softly. “I’d love to try it out. It could be fun.”

“You really think so?” Tegan smiled, looking up to meet her sister’s eyes.

“Yeah, I do,” Sara replied. “And later some time, we could even try cooking together.”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Tegan nodded.

“Me, too.”


	8. Writer & Painter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone. Here's another new chapter of Variations. I hope everyone is still enjoying the story. Let me know what you guys think.

Fingers. Lips. Tongues. Moans. These were the sounds of the night for them. Sara was on top. Tegan was on top. Sara was on top. Tegan was on top. So on and so forth until they both reached that magical place. A shared kiss here. A nip on the neck there. They were together in their moment.

“Fuck,” Tegan moaned out as Sara pumped her fingers inside her twin.

“Shh,” Sara giggled. “Someone might hear us and then we’ll get caught.”

“But you’re so good,” Tegan smiled, pulling Sara in for another kiss. “I gotta let you know how good I’m feeling.”

Tonight was a night for talking. They always enjoyed a different set up when they slept together. It was part of who they were.

“Then let me know how good I am,” Sara laughed before kissing Tegan once more.

*

“You could just stay here tonight, you know,” Tegan said as Sara began to put her clothes back on. Their night was over. They both had been satisfied by one another. Tegan stayed naked in her bed as she watched Sara dress.

“Tegan, come on,” Sara sighed. “What if I’m not even supposed to be over here right now? What if I get us in trouble for staying the night without running it by those old ones?”

“You heard them when we got here,” Tegan replied. “They want us to be close.”

“I don’t think they meant like this,” Sara laughed as she pulled her shirt down over her head. “Tomorrow night in my room, yeah?”

“Sure,” Tegan replied, sitting up and letting the covers fall below her breasts. Sara walked over to her twin and connected their lips quickly before wishing her goodnight and stepping outside the door.

The coast was clear. Sara was all alone in the field. All she had to do was quietly make her way back to her dorm and no one would be the wiser about what she and Tegan had done. But the old ones. What if they saw everything? What if, no matter how careful any of the twins were, those two would still know?

Sara made it to her dorm and stepped inside, shutting the door behind her quietly. She sighed and undressed, crawling into her empty bed. Tegan had told her to stay. She should’ve. She wanted to so badly, but, she knew it was a bad idea. It wouldn’t mean the same thing to Tegan, anyway. She knew that.

*

Sara woke up the next morning with an idea in her mind. A painting. She wanted to paint. But what? Something about love. Something about forbidden love. People were always into the idea that their love wasn’t accepted. She knew for some it was true. For others, not so much. For some, such as herself, it was more true and painful than anyone could ever know. Yes, she had Tegan. But that was just a sexual thing. It was an agreement between them. Only sex. It worked for a while, but Sara had caught the feelings. Like a flu, or a fever, she caught it. She didn’t have the medicine to relieve it, and sometimes she wasn’t so sure she wanted it anyway.

Forbidden love. That’s what she would paint. But how?

She walked to the empty room beside her bedroom. That’s where the old ones had conjured up her art supplies. Easels, paints, brushes. Whatever she needed to do the things she normally did, it was here.

What could encapsulate the idea of forbidden love? Black figures? Too dark, she supposed. What could do it? She stared out the window, looking to the trees behind the dorms.

Where were they? She hadn’t really questioned that. Where were they? What world were they in? How was it timeless? How long would they be here? Would they ever see home again? What were they supposed to do while they were here? Was she to paint? Was Tegan to write? Was Baker to bake and Chef to cook? Was Bookworm to read? Was Voice to do whatever it was she did? What about Blondie and Spike? They didn’t seem to do anything but bicker for the most part. Seer and Watcher scolded them each time they fought, so Sara knew that wasn’t what they were meant to do in this place.

They were the oldest. She and Tegan were the oldest. Aside from Seer and Watcher, whom she had a feeling were ageless, really, they were the oldest. She couldn’t believe that. Three Tegan’s and three Sara’s were younger than them. Amazing.

She wondered if the other Sara’s felt the way she did. If the others harbored a secret love for their twin. Did the other three sets even have the same set up as them? Did Blondie and Spike fight because they hated themselves for having sex with their sister? What about Bookworm and Voice? They seemed to have some serious social problems. Maybe they did it, too. Maybe they started having sex and that somehow made them too nervous to be around other people. Voice had said she didn’t fuck her sister, but maybe that was a cover. And what about Baker and Chef? Maybe they incorporated food into their sex.

Or maybe she and Tegan were just sick. She was sicker, of course. Tegan at least knew better than to think she fell in love with her twin sister.

*

Tegan ran her hand through her hair. She hated waking up some mornings. Sara never stayed. No matter how many times Tegan asked her to, Sara never stayed. She assumed she would wise up one day and stop asking. How many times could you be told no before you understood how the other person felt? She loved Sara. She couldn’t help it. Sara was everything to her. She was a sister, a friend, and a lover all rolled into one. Who could ask for more? She could. She wanted to be loved the way she loved Sara. Maybe things would be better for them then.

What did the other twins do together? Were they just normal sisters, or were they like her and Sara? She assumed none of them were exactly like them, really. She and Sara had their no strings attached arrangement. Sex was sex, and they were still sisters. Or supposed to be. Tegan kind of disobeyed that rule, not that she would tell Sara. What could the others’ set ups be?

Blondie and Spike hated themselves for fucking their sisters. Simple. That one was easy. If they did what she and Sara did, then that was what they did. Fuck and fight.

Voice and Bookworm were so socially awkward that they could only ever ask each other for sex. A little more farfetched, but still rather easy. Bookworm seemed to dislike the company of others, and Voice probably got made fun of on a regular basis for her stutter. As twins, they could each understand the problems the other faced. Bonded through an act like that, they stayed only with each other.

Baker and Chef, that one was hard. She didn’t really know a lot about them, at least not from spending just a few hours in their company like the others. The others were easy. They displayed what troubled them outwardly. Whatever it was that plagued Baker and Chef, it was something Tegan had yet to discover.

She wanted to walk over to Sara’s building and talk to her about everything that was inside her, but she knew it was a mistake. If she did that, then Sara would call off their arrangement, and Tegan would be left with nothing. She would rather be Sara’s sister with benefits than to be Sara’s gross sister that didn’t get the time of day.

She chuckled humorlessly and shook her head. She couldn’t write better drama.

*

Sara stepped outside and stretched her hands above her head. She couldn’t figure out how to go about starting her painting, so she decided to step away from it for a moment. Maybe it would hit her when she was doing something else. She wondered how Tegan was doing at the moment. She could head over and see, she supposed. She knew that Voice was over visiting Bookworm, and she had heard Chef come over and talk about baking something with Baker. Maybe she should do like them and go see her own sister.

She began walking toward Tegan’s building with no real idea in mind aside from seeing her twin. She was sure she would be able to think of something to do, however. They had spent years doing things together. It was easy.

She reached Tegan’s door and knocked, waiting for her sister to answer. Tegan opened the door and smiled, stepping aside to let Sara in.

“I thought we were going to wait until tonight and use your place,” Tegan said as she locked the door behind them.

“That’s not why I’m here,” Sara smiled. “But that’s good to know you want it, too.”

“Of course,” Tegan replied, stepping past Sara and walking into the kitchen. “You’re very good at it.”

“You are, too,” Sara said, following her twin. “That’s why I can’t wait for tonight.”

“Would you like something to drink?” Tegan asked from in front of her fridge.

“No. Thank you, though,” Sara replied, shaking her head. “What have you been doing today?”

“Nothing,” Tegan laughed, grabbing a bottle of water for herself. “I have no ideas for anything to write, so I’ve just been sitting here doing nothing. You?”

“Same,” Sara smiled. “I got up wanting to paint something today, but I couldn’t figure out how to approach it, so I gave up and came here.”

“You should paint us,” Tegan replied offhandedly.

 _I wanted to_. “You should write about us,” Sara joked.

“If you paint us, then I’ll write about us,” Tegan countered.

“Okay,” Sara nodded.

“Attention twins,” a voice rang out from above, causing Tegan and Sara to both jump in surprise. Sara wasn’t sure she would ever get used to that happening. “Tonight we ask that you meet us in the field between the dorms. We’d like to have a nice little get together meal for your second night. We will take care of the food and beverages, so don’t worry about cooking for yourselves. Hopefully we’ll see you tonight.”

“Damn,” Sara sighed as the voice left. “I was looking forward to breaking my bed in.”

“Don’t worry, Sasa,” Tegan said softly. “We’ll just go to your place after the meal tonight.”

“Wouldn’t that look suspicious?” Sara asked.

“Well, then I can come here for a bit and sneak over to your place like you snuck here last night,” Tegan replied. “How’s that?”

“I like that,” Sara smiled flirtatiously. “I’ll be waiting for you. And… I might misplace my clothes after I get back to my place.”

“Well then I’ll have to help you look for them,” Tegan said, returning her twin’s smile.


	9. Dinner Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everybody. Another chapter of Variations here. I hope everyone is still enjoying the story. Let me know you guys think.

Sara stood with a smirk as she waited for the door to be answered. She had the greatest idea ever. Who would pass up what she had in mind?

Bookworm opened the door with a smile that was quickly replaced with shock once she saw that it was Sara standing at the door.

“Hey, Bookworm,” Sara said, smiling to her double. “Getting settled down pretty well?”

Bookworm nodded slowly, her eyes still wide.

“I guess we’re neighbors, huh?” Sara continued. Bookworm nodded again, looking from side to side. She was nervous. Sara could tell.

“We should hang out sometime, yeah?” Sara asked. Bookworm stood still, not giving an answer. “I mean, we’re the youngest Sara’s here, right?”

Bookworm shrugged and then nodded in reply.

“Like, what about tonight, huh?” Sara went on. “You know, there’s that dinner the oldies want us to come to… I was thinking, maybe… you and I could go together. You know what I mean?”

Bookworm looked on confusedly, not quite catching on to what Sara was trying to say.

“Like a date, you know?” Sara explained. “You, me. Romantic-like.”

Bookworm’s eyes widened further.

“You’re gay, right?”

Bookworm shrugged.

“Have you ever liked anyone?”

Bookworm shook her head.

“You don’t talk much, do you?” Sara asked.

Bookworm shook her head again.

“Well,” Sara smirked. “What say you and I skip the dinner and head back to your bedroom over there, and we’ll see if I can make you talk, huh?”

Bookworm slammed the door in Sara’s face loudly, leaving her ears ringing.

“Come on, baby, don’t be like that,” Sara laughed. So Bookworm said no. That was okay. There were two other Sara’s she could talk to. She didn’t really want a date to the dinner per se, but she knew that if she could get one of her others to agree to go with her, then it would make what she had in mind easier.

Sara shook her head and walked over to the next building, knocking on the door and waiting as she had at Bookworm’s place.

“Oh, you,” Baker said upon answering the door and spotting Sara. “What brings you here?”

“I can’t just say hello?” Sara asked.

“You and your sister don’t seem to get along with people, no,” Baker replied bluntly.

“Okay, I’ll give you that,” Sara said. “I was wondering if you’d like to go to that dinner with me tonight.”

“What do you mean?” Baker asked.

“Like, you go as my date,” Sara replied. “We sit together, we have a good time. All that stuff.”

“That’s cute,” Baker laughed. “And what exactly would we do on this date aside from dinner?”

“I don’t know,” Sara smiled devilishly. “How flexible are you?”

“And there it is,” Baker nodded. “I’m sorry, Blondie, but I’ll have to decline.”

“And why is that?”

“You’re not my type,” Baker replied, shutting the door on Sara.

“That’s fine, too,” Sara said to herself as she walked on to the next building and did as before. There was no answer this time. Sara knocked again, but still no answer. She shrugged her shoulders and turned to walk to the other side of the field. Maybe if nothing else, she could hang out with Tegan for a little bit.

Sara put her hands in her pockets and began to walk over to Tegan’s building, whistling to herself as she did so. The sight of Painter leaving Writer’s dorm caught her eye as she neared Tegan’s side of the field. She smiled to herself and walked over to her double.

“Hey,” she said, bringing her hand out of her pocket and waving it.

“Hey,” Painter replied, stopping as Sara approached.

“So, dinner tonight, huh?” Sara asked.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Painter said.

“You thinking of going with anyone, or whatever?”

“And who would I go with?” Painter laughed.

“I don’t know,” Sara shrugged nonchalantly. “Me?”

“You want to go to the dinner together?” Painter asked with more laughter in her eyes.

“I mean, sure, why not?”

“That’s very cute of you, Blondie,” Painter replied. “But I think I’m a little old for you.”

“Age ain’t nothing but a number, baby,” Sara smirked. “I could show you that right now if you want.”

“Ah, you’re one of those,” Painter nodded. “Nail and bail.”

“I mean, we could roll around a few times, that’s cool, too.”

“Well, that’s certainly an interesting prospect you have there, Blondie,” Painter replied before beginning to walk back to her building. “But I already like someone, and I wouldn’t want to do that to her.”

“She doesn’t have to know,” Sara said, calling after the other woman. “Time isn’t real here, so it’s like it never happened.”

“I’ll see you around,” Painter called back, ignoring Sara’s last comment.

*

“You’re such a perv,” Tegan laughed as Sara finished telling her twin about how she had tried to proposition her others for sex. “Would you really fuck another you?”

“Sure, why not?” Sara replied. “I think it’d be pretty cool. I mean, who else can say they fucked another version of themselves?”

“Not you,” Tegan joked.

“Shut up,” Sara said, laughing along with her twin. “Are you honestly telling me you wouldn’t want to have sex with another one of these Tegan’s?”

“I don’t know,” Tegan shrugged. “Never considered it.”

“I bet that quiet me is freaky,” Sara said. “Probably into some dirty shit.”

“Could you imagine mush mouth in bed?” Tegan laughed. “F-F-F-F-Fuck I-I-I’m G-G-G-Gonna Come!”

“F-F-F-Fuck me h-h-h-harder, b-b-b-baby,” Sara replied, joking along with her twin.

“Imagine talking to her on the phone,” Tegan continued. “You’d fucking fall asleep before she finished a sentence.”

“Right?” Sara laughed.

“Fucking Baker would probably give you a yeast infection,” Tegan said.

“That’d be a risk I’m willing to take,” Sara chuckled. “Fuck her all up and down her bakery if I could.”

“You’re so weird,” Tegan laughed.

“What do you want me to say?” Sara asked. “She’s hot.”

“She’s you.”

“Exactly,” Sara replied. “Fuck, man, I want to have a fucking orgy with all of them.”

“You need to get laid,” Tegan said.

“I’m trying!” Sara shouted, causing both twins to bust out laughing.

“Ask the old you,” Tegan suggested jokingly.

“Ew, no,” Sara said. “When I’m an old lady, then I’ll be into old ladies, but not right now.”

“You might just have to take care of yourself, then.”

“Have you not been listening this whole time?” Sara joked.

“My bad.”

*

Sara buttoned up the last button on her shirt and inspected herself in the mirror. She looked nice. The elderly twins had called out again at some point in the day, telling everyone that a sort of formal vibe would be the thing for tonight’s dinner. Sara found a nice white shirt in her closet to wear. It wasn’t really something she herself would own. Maybe when she got older she would. For now, she thought it looked a little silly to see nice clothes coupled with her bleached hair. Silly, but nice.

She stepped outside and saw the table set up in the middle of the field. There were lamps standing up from the ground, inexplicably glowing with light. There was a feast strewn out over the table, with places set for everyone. No one else appeared to be ready, however. She walked toward the table and noticed name cards sitting at the various seats. She scanned for her own designation.

“Wow. You look… pretty.” Sara snapped her head up at the sound of the voice. Tegan. Tegan? She looked amazing. How could that even be possible? She was Tegan. That wasn’t to say that she didn’t look good, no, but Sara couldn’t understand how Tegan looked so beautiful in just a simple get up like the one she was wearing. Black dress pants and a short sleeved black shirt with a tie.

“Th-Thanks,” Sara replied. “You uh… you look… wow.”

“Thanks,” Tegan said, ducking her head in embarrassment.

This was new. How were they not fighting? Usually Sara would’ve gotten mad at such a statement from Tegan. Especially with such surprise evident in her voice. Did Sara not look pretty all the time? Did she just somehow get lucky this night? But no. That didn’t happen.

“What are you doing?” Tegan asked, stepping up to the table.

“There’s nameplates here,” Sara said softly. “I’m looking for mine.”

“Oh.” Tegan looked down to the table and pointed a finger. “It’s right here on the end with me.”

“I guess we’re sitting together tonight,” Sara smiled.

“What else is new?” Tegan joked, causing her twin to laugh. They each walked over to their side of the table. Tegan reached it first and stood behind Sara’s chair.

“What are you doing?” Sara asked confusedly. Tegan pulled Sara’s chair out without a word and waited. Sara blushed at the gesture. Tegan was being so nice. Maybe this place was working some sort of magic on them, making them nicer to each other. That would be good, right? Sara stepped in front of the chair as Tegan pushed it in for her to sit down. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” Tegan replied, sitting in her own seat. “You can get mine next time.”

“Deal,” Sara laughed.


	10. Overheard Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone. Here's another new chapter of Variations. I hope everyone is still enjoying the story and continues to do so. Let me know what you all think.

Tegan walked across the field in her getup for the night. She passed by the table that had suddenly appeared, noticing that Spike and Blondie were already seated. They seemed to be getting along quite well. That was nice to see. She couldn’t really say she liked them that much, but it did make her feel good to see them getting along and being civil for a change.

She smiled as she reached Sara’s door. She knocked quickly and waited for her twin to answer. Sara opened the door with a smile, showing off her outfit for Tegan.

“You look perfect,” Tegan said softly. It was an understatement. Sara looked so wonderful, so angelic. Tegan always knew that Sara was a natural beauty.

“Thanks,” Sara smiled. “You look better than perfect.”

“You ready to go to the dinner?” Tegan asked. “I mean, it’s not ready yet, but we can go sit and stuff. Blondie and Spike are there, but I’ll try to keep you safe from them.”

“That’s sweet, Tegan,” Sara replied, stepping outside and shutting her door behind her. Tegan stepped to the side and waited for Sara to step up beside her before they both made their way toward the table.

“Hey, look who it is,” Spike said, calling her twin’s attention to the two women walking up.

“C-Cou-hould we not tonight?” Tegan asked.

“Not what?” Blondie asked as Tegan and Sara found their designated seats and sat down.

“Could we n-not do the wh-whole nuh-hame c-calling?”

“You act like that’s all we do,” Spike said.

“W-what is my n-name?” Tegan asked, staring at her other self blankly.

“Tegan,” Spike joked, causing Blondie to laugh.

“Y-You know what I m-me-hean.”

“Voice,” Spike said, looking down to her lap under Tegan’s gaze.

“Okay.” Tegan nodded as the two sets of twins decided to keep to themselves.

*

“Is everyone getting along okay?” Watcher asked as she and Seer stood at the table. All the sets of twins had shown up and were preparing to enjoy their meals. The elderly twins had shown up not long after Painter and Writer had appeared.

“We’re doing okay, I guess,” Spike spoke up. “Why do you guys ask that so much?”

“This is all a strange occurrence to you,” Watcher shrugged. “It takes time to get used to, we know.”

“It’s not so bad,” Spike said.

“So,” Seer began as she and Watcher sat down. “How about more sharing? We didn’t get very much of it the last time we all gathered. Anyone care to share?”

Tegan looked around the table, seeing no one was offering up information. She supposed the older pairs wouldn’t so quickly this time seeing as how they had before. She felt a hand in hers and looked to her twin. Sara stared at her with wide, worried eyes. Tegan leaned her forehead against Sara’s, whispering to her.

“Shh. You don’t have to. I won’t let them make you, okay?”

Tegan heard snickering over to her side, but ignored it. It was probably just the young ones being rude as always. They weren’t worth it. Not right now at least.

“Spike, Blondie,” Seer spoke up. Tegan sighed with relief. Maybe they were in trouble again. “How about you two start us off this time?”

“No thanks,” Spike replied, picking up her plate and starting to fill it.

“Same,” Blondie added, following her sister’s example.

“Oh, okay. Let me rephrase that,” Seer said, rolling her eyes. “Share. Now.”

Spike huffed and set her plate down. “I’m nineteen. Happy?”

“No. We already knew that,” Seer replied. “Share.”

“Fine.” Spike sunk down in her seat and crossed her arms angrily. “I’m gay. I just came out two years ago. My boyfriend at the time, he’s gay, too. Is that better, you old b–”

“That’s fine, thank you.” Watcher spoke up, staring daggers at Spike. “Blondie. What about you?”

“Oh, I’ve been out since I was fourteen,” Blondie chuckled smugly. “Technically counts as sharing.”

Watcher clenched her jaw and nodded, turning to Tegan. Tegan felt Sara’s grip on her hand tighten. She rubbed her thumb over the back of her twin’s hand in an effort to sooth her worry.

“Voice? Could you please share something from the both of you for us?”

Tegan nodded and swallowed, steadying herself so that maybe her stutter wouldn’t get in the way too much. “I-I work a-at a um…. A library… S-Sara goes th-there and ruh-reads while I work.”

“Ooh, that must be fun, reading all day,” Seer said happily. She turned to Sara with a soft smile. “Is it a lot of fun, Bookworm?”

Sara blushed and nodded softly, a small smile playing at her lips.

“You’ll have to tell me what your favorites are at some point,” Seer laughed. Sara let her smile show and nodded again, holding her hand up in an “okay” gesture. Tegan smiled as she could feel the tension fade away slightly from her sister.

“I would love to work at a library,” Writer spoke up with a smile. “It would be so awesome to just be around books… I mean… I don’t read a lot, but I write, you know. And I think that could serve as some sort of inspiration.”

“It’s p-pre-pretty coo-hool, yeah,” Tegan replied. “S-Sare-ara has h-her own little c-cor-cor-horner to read in.”

“Oh, that sounds amazing, Bookworm,” Baker said excitedly. “Just reading all day in your own little spot where people don’t come bother you.”

Sara nodded her head and bit her lip. _It’s even better when Tegan comes by to see me_ , she thought. She looked over to her twin, watching as Tegan smiled and talked to the others, focusing on not stuttering too much. _She looks so pretty_.

Tegan grabbed her plate and filled it, setting it back down in front of her. She turned to Sara, finding her twin’s eyes on her. “You want me to fix your plate?” she whispered.

“Tegan, I’m a big girl,” Sara giggled softly. “I can do it.” Sara reached forward and added various things to her plate. She set it down in front of her and smiled to her sister.

Tegan smiled and scooted her seat closer to Sara’s as they both began eating.

*

“I’m so fucking stuffed,” Spike groaned.

“You eat too fucking much,” Blondie laughed as she stood up from her seat. She watched it sink into the ground immediately, jumping in surprise at the sight. “Whoa!”

“Sorry about that,” Watcher laughed as she helped Seer up. “Probably should’ve waited until you all left.”

“No, no… it’s… it’s fine, just uh… I wasn’t expecting it,” Blondie replied. She turned to Spike. “You going back to your dorm?”

“Yeah…” Spike stood up slowly, her chair sinking away too. “You wanna hang out for a bit before you go to bed, or…”

“We can chill, yeah,” Blondie replied as she started walking toward Spike’s dorm.

Tegan stood up from her own seat, looking down to her twin. “You wanna do that too? Hang out?”

Sara nodded quickly, smiling widely as she stood up. She hugged Tegan quickly before letting go and blushing.

“It’s okay, Sasa…” Tegan giggled. “I’m gonna go grab something first, okay?”

Sara nodded again and stayed still as Tegan turned to head back to her dorm.

“So are you gonna try again?” Tegan perked up a little as she heard Spike talking to Blondie. _Try what again?_ She listened closer.

“Maybe,” Blondie chuckled. “I think I could probably break down Bookworm if I try hard enough.”

Tegan stopped as she heard her Sara’s nickname. No. Not Sara. Why Sara? What was Blondie planning?

“Yeah? Why her?” Spike asked.

“I don’t know,” Blondie shrugged. “Probably just the easiest to get with. And plus, I really wanna make her get loud for me.”

Loud?

“Don’t hold your breath. Bitch is so quiet, I think she’s broken or something,” Spike said.

“You probably just have to know what to do to her,” Blondie replied. She chuckled and tapped her sister’s shoulder to grab her attention. “How much you wanna bet Voice gets to hear that every night?”

“Oh, definitely,” Spike laughed loudly.

Tegan clenched her jaw. They were talking about… Blondie wanted to… with Sara? And… they were insinuating that Tegan…

“Hey!”

The younger twins turned around to see Tegan staring at them angrily, her face red.

“Speak of the d-d-devil,” Blondie laughed.

“Wh-What the fuck d-do-hoo you think you’re d-doing?” Tegan growled. She cursed herself for stumbling over her words.

“T-T-Talking,” Blondie shot back.

“Unlike you,” Spike added, causing Blondie to snort with laughter.

Tegan swallowed her tears back and stepped closer to the two. “I-I heard you t-talking about my sis-sister, you fuh-huhcking bitch.”

“Oh, that,” Blondie laughed. “Yeah, can you tell me if she’s a screamer when she cums or what?”

“I’ll beat your fucking ass!” Tegan yelled and lunged forward. Blondie braced herself and grabbed Tegan’s arms, keeping them in the air.

“Ooh, mush mouth learned how to talk.”

“Shut up!” Tegan screamed, feeling tears spill down her face. “You stay the hell away from my sister, and don’t fucking call me mush mouth, you rotten piece of shit!”

“Oh, of course,” Blondie taunted, pushing Tegan back away from her. “Gotta swoop in and keep her from interacting with people so you can make sure she only talks to you, huh?’

“I-I do not d-do that,” Tegan replied, wiping at her eyes with her hands still clenched.

“Yeah, you don’t do that,” Blondie countered sarcastically. “Then tell me why she hasn’t said a word to anyone else?”

“Y-You know why!”

“Right. Voice trained her up good,” Blondie spat. “Good little girl, doesn’t talk to anyone and gives it all up to big sister.”

“Shut your goddamn mouth!” Tegan tried to lunge forward again, but felt herself stopped. She struggled to get free but couldn’t. She looked around and saw the others had gathered in a crowd around them.

“Blondie!” Seer walked through the crowd with Watcher close behind her. She had her hand held out, holding onto the air in front of her. Tegan assumed that was what was keeping her in place. “That’s enough.”

“Tell her!” Blondie shouted. “She’s the one that started yelling at me and Tegan.”

“No,” Seer dropped her hand, Tegan feeling the force holding her dissipate. “Watcher and I know what you were talking about. We know what you did earlier. Voice was just standing up for her sister.”

“She wasn’t standing up for her,” Blondie said. “She just wants Bookworm to depend on her so she can play hero.”

“That’s n-not true,” Tegan said.

“Blondie! Enough! Now!” Watcher spoke up.

“This is fucking bullshit!” Blondie yelled. “You guys just hate us, so you’re automatically against us!”

“Blondie, we said that’s enough,” Seer said.

“Fuck your enough!” Blondie spat. “I’ll stop when I’m fucking ready to stop!”

“Sara!” Watcher yelled, causing Blondie to jump and shrink back slightly. “That is enough now. Go to your dorm, please.”

“I… I was gonna hang out with Tegan,” Blondie squeaked softly.

“Y-Yeah, we were just gonna chill for a while… Can she please stay?” Spike spoke up. If Tegan wasn’t so furious, she would think it was kind of cute.

“That would be rewarding you for causing problems,” Watcher said, shaking her head. “I’m sorry. Not tonight.”

“But…”

“No buts. Go on.”

Blondie looked down to the ground and started to walk on to her dorm. Spike stopped her and turned her around, giving her twin a hug before letting her walk on. Spike walked to her dorm sadly and shut the door behind her.

“I’m so sorry about all of that, Voice, really,” Seer said to Tegan as the rest of the twins began to disperse. “Are you okay?”

“Y-Yeah, I…” Tegan wiped at her eyes. “C-Can I p-p-plea-hease go to S-S-Sara’s dorm tonight?”

“Of course,” Seer giggled. “You’re not in trouble.”

“Thay-hank you,” Tegan replied. She walked to her dorm and retrieved a shirt from her closet before returning to Sara. She handed the shirt to Sara and smiled softly.

“What’s this for?” Sara asked softly.

“I want you to have it when I’m not around,” Tegan answered. “Maybe it could help you relax.”

Sara smiled and hugged Tegan tightly. “Thank you, Teetee. I love it.” She removed herself from her twin and grabbed her hand, leading her back to her dorm. “Come on.”


	11. Making Mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone. I finally uploaded the next chapter of Variations. I hope everyone is still enjoying the story as much as I am. Let me know what you all think.

Tegan bit her lip as she sat in Sara’s dorm. She bounced happily at the prospect of baking something together for the first time. How had they not done something like that before? Oh, right. Sara moved away from her. So far away. All the way away.

“Hand me those eggs?” Sara asked, snapping Tegan out of her thoughts. Tegan smiled and grabbed the bowl that Sara had cracked eggs into earlier, handing it to her twin.

“This is so much fun,” Tegan giggled.

“It is, yeah,” Sara replied, shooting a smile of her own to Tegan. “I’ve never had this much fun baking before. I mean, I have fun, but this is different.”

“Because I’m here,” Tegan smirked, standing up and hugging Sara from behind obnoxiously. “You just love me so much, don’t you, Sasa?”

“Stop!” Sara laughed. “I’m trying to stir this up. Tegan!”

“What’s the magic word?” Tegan asked, leaning in and using her chin to tickle Sara’s shoulder.

“Tegan!” Sara yelled, trying to get away. “Stop!”

“Magic word, Sasa,” Tegan giggled. “Use it.”

“Please!”

“There,” Tegan removed herself from her twin and laughed. “Was that so hard?”

“You’re not getting any tarts now,” Sara replied, shooting her tongue out in Tegan’s direction.

“No,” Tegan whined. She got down her knees and put her hands up in a begging gesture. “Please, Sasa, let me have some butter tarts when they’re done. Please.”

“Get up,” Sara giggled. “You’re so dramatic when it comes to sweets.”

“Just yours, Sasa,” Tegan replied, standing up and wiping her pants off. “You make the best, you know?”

“I do not.” Sara blushed as she pointed to another bowl for Tegan to grab. Tegan nodded and reached over, grabbing the bowl and handing it to Sara who added it to the mix. “But thank you, though.”

“You do. You really do,” Tegan insisted, inching in closer. “You’re like… The best thing ever.”

“Thank you,” Sara replied. “You’re the best thing ever.”

*

“Are they cooled off enough yet?” Tegan whined from her seat in the kitchen. The butter tarts had been baked and now Sara had them cooling so that the twins could enjoy them.

“I think so, yeah,” Sara said, nodding her head. “Go ahead.”

“Yay!” Tegan shot up and grabbed a treat quickly, taking a big bite and moaning happily as she chewed it. “So good.”

Sara shook her head and laughed, getting up and grabbing her own tart. She took a much smaller bite than Tegan had of her own, and nodded. “Mmm. That is good.”

“We make a good team, Sasa,” Tegan said as she finished her sweet and picked up another. “We should totally do this more often.”

“That could be fun, yeah,” Sara replied.

“Ooh,” Tegan took a bite and finished it before continuing. “We could open up our own little shop together, you and me. What do you say?”

“That’s great and all, Tee, but… How would we manage that from different cities?”

Tegan looked down to the table in front her. She knew what she was about to say was a mistake, one she had made quite a bit since Sara had first moved out to Montreal. “M-Maybe you could move to Vancouver.”

“Tegan, I can’t,” Sara replied softly. “I have a life in Montreal. You know that.”

“Then I’ll move to Montreal,” Tegan said.

“Tegan.” Sara sighed and shook her head. “We were having a good time. Why? Why ruin it?”

“Never mind.” Tegan got up from her seat, tossing the half eaten pastry down with the others and storming out through the front door. Sara got up quickly and followed after her.

“Tegan. Tegan, come on. I’m sorry. Tegan!” Sara watched on as Tegan walked back across the field. She sighed and sunk against the door. _Way to go, Sara. Just humor her next time. She doesn’t understand that it’s not her, it’s you._

Sara kicked herself off of the door and turned to the side, finding Bookworm sitting outside. She had her face in a book, but Sara had a feeling that the other her had been looking up to see Tegan storming off. “Sisters, huh?”

Bookworm jumped at the sound of Sara’s voice. She slid down in her seat and brought her book closer to her face.

“I-I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to startle you…” Sara sighed. “I’ll leave you alone, don’t worry. I’m sorry, Bookworm.”

Sara stepped back into her dorm and walked over to the tarts. She reached down and picked up the one Tegan had been eating. She popped the rest of it into her mouth and put the others up before going to sit down on her couch, alone.

*

“I don’t know, it’s like… It’s like no matter what I do, she doesn’t really want anything to do with me in the long term.” Tegan sighed and took a sip of her drink as she sat outside. After running back to her dorm and crying for some time, she decided to come out here and just sit against her building. Now she was just talking to herself. “It’s like I’m not good enough.”

Not good enough. Oh, she had felt that way quite a bit since Sara’s move. She wasn’t good enough to keep Sara in Vancouver with her, and now she wasn’t good enough to convince her twin to come back to her. If things were Sara’s way, Tegan would probably never see her again. “She’d probably love that.” Tegan took another sip. God, how she wished for it to be a beer. Drown her sorrows in drink. She heard a door to her side and looked over to find Voice. “Oh, hey, Voice.”

“H-Hey, Sh-Sh-Chef,” Voice replied with a nervous smile. “Whu-hu-hut are you doing ow-ow-out here?”

“Didn’t you hear the news?” Tegan replied somberly. “Sara doesn’t want me.”

“W-Wah-hant you?” Voice stepped over and sat down beside Tegan, keeping some space between them.

“Yeah. We uh… We were baking together, and I…” Tegan shook her head. “It’s stupid. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“Asked what?” Voice asked softly.

“Ever since she moved to Montreal, I’ve asked Sara to move back to Vancouver with me,” Tegan finished off her drink and looked to her double. “And if not that, then let me move to Montreal so I can be near her again. But she always gets upset with me.”

“Oh yeah. Y-You guys doh-hon’t live together,” Voice said, looking down to the ground.

“Nope,” Tegan replied. “Not since we were in university.”

“Yeah…” Voice stood up slowly from her spot. “I-I-I uh… I’m supposed to g-go spuh-spuh-spend time with B-B-Book-ook-ook-hookworm.”

“I hope you have a good time, Voice,” Tegan replied, looking up to the other version of herself.

“Thanks,” Voice said as she started to walk on. “M-Maybe your-or Sara will c-c-come over, too.”

“I won’t hold my breath,” Tegan mumbled as the other her walked on across the field to her twin.


	12. Die On My Lips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone. I know it's been quite a while since I've posted anything on here. Things have been kind of crazy lately. I'm hoping I can get back in the swing of updating and posting more often. I haven't meant to stay away for so long. I hope everyone is still enjoying the story. I'm sorry for such a long wait. Let me know what you guys think. And thank you for sticking with me and the story.

_She pushed her up against the wall, smirking before she attacked the other woman’s neck. She sucked hard on the pulse point between her lips and pulled away, looking into the identical eyes in front of her._

_“Please,” Tegan asked, panting hard as her sister held her against the wall with hidden strength. “Please.”_

_Sara bit her lip and grabbed Tegan’s legs, wrapping them around herself. She reached one hand up and palmed one of Tegan’s breasts as she used the other to hold the older twin up. “You like to beg, don’t you?” she asked teasingly._

_“Yes,” Tegan nodded and whimpered, trying anything she could to make Sara do what she wanted so badly for her to do. “Yes, I like to beg. Please, Sasa.”_

_“I love you, you know that?” Sara asked softly, losing any playfulness in her voice as she leaned in and placed a soft kiss upon her sister’s lips. She pulled away from the kiss and stared into her eyes. “Right?”_

_Tegan nodded and smiled. “I love you, too,” she replied “Can we… the bed?”_

_Sara smiled and moved away from the wall, carrying Tegan down the hall and to their shared bedroom._

*

Tegan shook her head. No. That was highly inaccurate. The words that stared back at her on the screen were just too fantastical. Sara wasn’t able to lift her or carry her. That was okay. She wasn’t even asking for that. Love. Sara loved her, sure. But Tegan knew that love wasn’t the one she wanted it most to be.

Sighing, Tegan saved the document. She couldn’t bring herself to delete it. She never could. She pushed out from her desk and looked out the window. She wondered if Sara was cooking up plans for their next encounter. It was very probable that she was, yes.

_She lifts me up onto my counter and pulls my shirt over my head. I whimper and lift my arms up for her. The words die on my lips. I love you. I love you so much, Sara. I’ve never loved anyone in a fraction of the way I love you._

Tegan shook her head and frowned. She didn’t quite like that route.

_She leads me back to my room. She pushes me down to the bed and unbuttons my pants, pulling them down my legs while she bites her lip. Underwear next. She smiles up at me as she moves toward my center, placing kisses on my legs on the way. She nips my thigh with her teeth before reaching me, teasing me with her breath. She pulls away and goes to the other thigh, using her teeth on it in the same location and then comes back to my waiting slit. The words die on my lips._

No!

Tegan growled and shook her head again. Stop that, she told herself.

_I go to her place. She answers the door with nothing but a robe on. She pulls me inside and removes it as she locks the door. The words die on my lips._

Stop it!

_We’re in the field, everyone is gathered around in some fucking orgy, I don’t fucking know. She’s on top of me, riding hard as I feel myself seem to sink into the grass below me. I reach my hands up and cup her breasts. I pinch her– the words die on my lips._

Tegan leaned forward in her seat, putting her head in her hands. Why couldn’t she stop thinking that? She already knew that what Sara felt and what she felt were two different things. Why entertain the impossible? She cursed being a writer in that moment. Most of her works involved happy endings, so she was just trying to apply that to real life.

Maybe it was time to break it off with Sara. Maybe the relationship had run its course and it was time for them to grow up. Sara would probably move on and find another lover. But Tegan? She would probably never find someone like this again. Sara was it. As much as she hated to admit it to herself, Sara was the last person she would ever love.

She stood up and walked to the window. She saw across the field, to Sara’s dorm. What was she doing in there? Was she painting? Or was she thinking about Tegan?

Maybe it was Tegan’s turn to be the catalyst.

*

Sara looked down to her palette. She gathered some blue on her brush and looked to the other colors on it. She mixed in some red. Some green. Some yellow. All of them. All of them together until she had a color that couldn’t really be described as black, nor brown. She lifted the brush up and brought it to the canvas, painting a murky swirl in the middle. She dipped the brush back into the mix of paint and moved it back to the canvas once again. She continued the process until she had the dark muck swirling out toward the edge of white.

Sara tilted her head as she studied the painting. That… was… nothing. There was nothing to it at all. Into the closet it would go once the paint had dried. That’s what she had done with all the paintings she deemed unusable. What was it even supposed to be?

 _Probably about Tegan_ , she thought as she set her supplies down. She removed the big shirt she had been wearing to protect her clothes and shook her head. So many things were about Tegan. They all went into her closet, where no one else would look. Most people had skeletons, Sara just had paintings.

Sara walked into the living room and stared out the window. She saw someone approaching from the field. Tegan? Sara bit her lip. That was different. Was Tegan coming here to start up a new little game of theirs?

Her smile fell. Tegan was so unaware. It was a game for her, sure. But for Sara, it was so much more. She loved Tegan so fully, she was surprised she hadn’t been found out yet. Maybe Tegan knew, and she was just pretending she didn’t for Sara’s sake. Was that a good thing, though?

She didn’t really have time to think. Tegan was approaching and Sara needed to do a new painting. She called it “façade.” She painted it every time she saw Tegan. It was about a woman who was in love with her twin sister, but hid her feelings because she knew the other woman didn’t feel the same. It was quite a personal piece.

The knock of Tegan’s knuckles against the door sounded through the dorm as Sara placed a smile on her face and answered it. “What brings you over here?”

“You, actually,” Tegan replied, stepping inside. She locked the door behind her and grabbed Sara’s shoulders. She whirled them around and pushed her twin against the door and kissed her hard.

“Oh,” Sara giggled and gave Tegan a soft kiss in reply. “Does Teetee have plans for me?”

“She does.” Tegan nodded her head and smirked. “I think you need to go to the bedroom right now.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Sara moved away from the door and hurried to her room. The painting was complete. Now it was time for her to display it.


	13. Together Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone. It's still 2017 here, so I thought I'd give one last update for the year with Variations. I hope everyone is having a good and happy new year. Hopefully you all enjoy this chapter. Let me know what you all think, and I'll see you in 2018, Quindom.

Sara stared out bitterly at the field. She could see Tegan’s dorm across the expanse of grass. They were denied time together. That hadn’t happened to any of them yet. Why her and Tegan? She had the feeling it was because they were so young. It made them easy to pick on and single out. Why were they the youngest? Why them?

Sara moved away from the window and kicked at the ground. She didn’t want to go back out there. Ever. She would just stay locked up in her quarters until she and Tegan were sent home, and then she would spend all the time in the world with her. That made her laugh. She had never wanted to spend that much time with Tegan. Not since they were little, at least.

She reached up to her hair, not having spiked it up yet that day. She thought maybe she wouldn’t. She kind of liked how these other Sara’s had their hair down. Maybe she would take a cue from them and stop spiking it up. She might even let the blonde fade from it entirely and go back to her natural brown.

She bit her lip as she thought about it. _I think I’d look pretty damn cute, yeah_. That made her giggle.

*

Tegan looked at herself in the mirror. She hadn’t spiked her hair up yet for the day. She needed to, though. If she didn’t spike her hair up, then what would the others call her? She opened up the gel and stared at her reflection. Sara looked like this. A little, at least. She smiled softly as she thought about her twin. They hadn’t gotten along very well in quite some time, but that wouldn’t stop Tegan from thinking of her fondly. Her smile fell. If only they could be close like some of the others seemed to be.

Tegan closed the tube of gel and set it back down, her hand devoid of the substance. Why did they get the short end of the stick, her and Sara? Why did the others seem to have good relationships with each other, but she and Sara were left fighting and bickering? Was it something they had done? Maybe a past life of theirs?

Suddenly she felt very small. She wanted her sister. She wanted to close her eyes, shut them tightly, and then open them to find that she and Sara were still on the floor in their house.

“W-Watcher… Seer? C-Can I… Is it all right if I see my Sasa now?” Tegan asked, looking up to her ceiling. She waited for an answer for what felt like an eternity.

“Of course, Spike. Your punishment was just for last night. Please, go over there and have a good time.” Tegan wasn’t sure which voice responded, but she smiled brightly nonetheless. She nodded her head and hurried over to Sara’s dorm, not bothering to spike up her hair in her rush.

*

Sara answered a knock on her door, chuckling happily as Tegan threw her arms around her. “Hey. I was just thinking about you.”

“I was thinking about you, too, Sasa,” Tegan replied, stepping closer and holding Sara tighter.

“Hey, stop,” Sara laughed. “No touching.”

“I missed you,” Tegan said softly as she kept her hold on Sara.

“I missed you, too,” Sara replied, wrapping her arms around Tegan. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Tegan smiled and pulled away, noticing Sara’s hair for the first time. “You didn’t spike your hair.”

“Neither did you,” Sara said, pointing to Tegan’s head.

“Yeah, I uh… I hurried over here and just skipped it,” Tegan replied, looking up even though she couldn’t really see her hair. “I like it, though. Yours, I mean.”

“Thanks,” Sara said, blushing as she reached up to her hair. “I was um… I was thinking of maybe keeping it like that.”

“It’s cute,” Tegan nodded, looking down to the ground. _Cute? Really?_

“Th-Thanks,” Sara repeated, her cheeks burning harder. “I… I really like yours, too.”

“Thanks.” Tegan smiled and slowly looked up, catching the pink on Sara’s face. Tegan felt the breath catch in her lungs. Sara looked beautiful. Not like when she was all dressed up the night before. This was more natural. More… accidental.

“A-Are you okay?” Sara asked softly.

“Yeah,” Tegan replied, shaking her head. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“S-So um… What uh… What do you wanna do?” Sara asked.

“I don’t know,” Tegan shrugged. She looked around before settling her eyes back on her twin. “I just wanna like… Chill, you know? We didn’t get to, and I… I really wanna do that.”

“Okay, yeah,” Sara smiled, stepping aside finally to let Tegan in. She shut the door behind Tegan and walked to the kitchen. “Want a drink?”

“Yeah, whatever you got,” Tegan replied, walking over to the couch and sitting down. Sara came over with two sodas in her hands and gave one to Tegan before taking a seat on the couch as well. She opened hers up and took a drink of it.

“I’m uh… I’m real sorry about last night… Getting us in trouble like that.” Sara said softly, looking down to the drink in her hands.

“It’s okay,” Tegan replied, waving her off. “Maybe we should just keep to ourselves while we’re here, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Sara nodded and took another sip of her drink. “I um… I realized we’re like… We’re way younger than the others, and I just… I don’t know, it makes me… feel… small.”

“I know what you mean,” Tegan said. Sara looked up to find that Tegan had focused in on a point in the floor until it propelled her into space. “It’s like… We’re kids and they’re not, and like… Yeah, we’re adults too, but they’re all so much older than us. It’s scary.”

“I feel like we weren’t supposed to be here yet. Like, maybe the oldies were planning on some other group for the youngest, and they picked us by accident,” Sara mused. “Like there’s another version of us out there that’s like, twenty-one or something, and then they’d all be three years apart, you know?’

“Yeah,” Tegan nodded. “I don’t feel very much like I belong.”

“You belong with me,” Sara offered. Tegan looked up and smiled softly.

“You belong with me, too.”

*

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” Tegan whispered as she hugged Sara tightly. It was getting late, and both twins were starting to get tired. Sara smiled and took in the moment. They hadn’t hugged like this in quite some time. Not on a regular basis. She missed it, if she was being honest with herself.

“Yeah. You sleep good, because I’m gonna bug your ass bright and early,” Sara replied, pulling away.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Sasa,” Tegan laughed. She waved her hand as she turned away and walked on to her side of the field. Sara watched on, waiting until Tegan closed her door behind her.

“Night night, Teetee.”


	14. Make Me Better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everybody. Here's another new chapter of Variations. I hope everyone is still enjoying the the story so far. Let me know what you all think.

Things hadn’t been the best the night before. Tegan was so upset at Blondie and Spike. Sara knew she shouldn’t hold it against Tegan. She knew her sister was just trying to stand up for her since she couldn’t do it for herself. She just wished it hadn’t happened at all. The air between them felt so awkward, and Sara had no idea how to help.

“Teetee?” Sara had spoken up after a moment. “Please talk to me, Teetee.”

“I…” Tegan had sighed. She hadn’t really said much since going over to Sara’s dorm. “I just wanna… I wanna punch them and hurt them and…”

“Tegan, please forget about them,” Sara had begged softly.

“She implied that we fuck each other all the time, Sara!” Tegan shouted.

Sara moved toward Tegan’s spot on the couch and sat beside her, placing her hand on Tegan’s thigh. “Blondie did something really stupid, but I’m okay. You made it better.”

“But it doesn’t feel like it,” Tegan had said, shaking her head and standing up. “I’m sorry, Sasa. I have to go. I love you. Goodnight.”

And then Sara was alone. And no matter how close she held that shirt that Tegan gave her, it didn’t make the loneliness go away. It just reminded her that Tegan had run away.

*

Sara pulled her legs up to her chest. She closed the book she had been reading and set it down on the table beside her. She had gone outside, thinking that maybe the air would help her clear her mind of the night before, but to no such luck. Maybe it was because she foolishly insisted on wearing Tegan’s shirt again. It wasn’t her fault. She hadn’t originally put it on when she awoke that morning. But she knew that outside, people might come up to her. For that, she knew she needed Tegan’s shirt.

Sara closed her eyes. She just wanted to live with Tegan again, like she did back home. She wasn’t sure she would ever live without her, not for real. What would she gain from leaving the one place she felt safest?. She brought the shirt up to her nose and breathed in, the scent, calming her worry for a moment. She smiled. _Tegan._

“Hi.” Sara jumped and opened her eyes in fear, finding that Baker had come up to her. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I don’t mean to… I… Fuck, you’re so scared right now. I’m sorry.”

Baker started to back away slowly, a look of regret on her face. Why did she always want to talk?

_She’s just trying to be nice, Sara. Like Mrs. Moore back home._

Sara lifted her hand to her mouth and brought it downward in front of her, showing the sign for ‘thank you’ to Baker.

“I… I’m sorry, I only know thank you, I don’t know anything else,” Baker laughed.

Sara looked away. Maybe avoiding looking at the other person could help. She pointed to herself and then raised two fingers.

“Yeah?” Baker chuckled and took a cautious step forward. “I guess that makes sense.”

Sara nodded slowly. She clutched the fabric of the shirt in her hand. _Tegan’s here. Tegan’s right here._

“I like that shirt,” Baker said softly. “Where did you get it?”

Sara pointed across the field quickly. Baker turned her head to follow the direction of Sara’s finger before turning back to her.

“Oh, Voice gave that to you?” Sara nodded again. “That’s really sweet. You two love each other, don’t you?”

**_She implied that we fuck each other all the time, Sara!_ **

Sara shook her head quickly and wrapped her arms tightly around her knees, bringing herself into a small huddle.

“Y-You don’t?” Baker asked, confused. “I thought… You two seem really close. I just… Does… Does she hurt you?”

Sara shook her head again. _Go away, go away, go away. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry_.

“I… I’m so confused,” Baker said, looking to the ground. “D-Do you guys not get along?”

Sara stayed quiet.

“Are you like the young ones, or are you different?”

Quiet.

“B-Bookworm?”

Sara started to feel so overwhelmed. She just wanted to be alone again. Alone. With Tegan. She had nothing against this other version of herself but she did not want her company right now. Maybe not ever. She didn’t want to be around others. Aside from Tegan. She tried to fight off what was about to happen, but that didn’t last long. She whimpered, and then the tears started.

“Whoa! No, please… please don’t…” Baker jumped back quickly and rushed to her dorm. “I’m so sorry, please don’t cry, please… Please, Sara… I… I didn’t mean to. I’ll go now. I promise.”

Sara sat in place, the tears flowing much longer than she cared for. She sat in her seat, under the soft warmth of the sun, sobbing uncontrollably. She cursed her stupid brain. Her stupid, broken brain.

_Just fix! Fix, dammit! I hate you. I hate me. So much… I wanna be like Teetee… I wanna be big and strong… I want to not cry because someone talks to me… I… I want to protect her like she does with me… Fix! Work right! Make me better!_

“Sasa?” Soon Sara felt arms around her. She knew it was Tegan. She knew that voice anywhere. Tegan kissed her forehead softly. “What’s the matter, Sasa?”

“She… She… She wouldn’t go away, and I… I didn’t mean to… honest…”

“Who, Sasa?” Tegan asked quietly, rubbing her hands up and down Sara’s arms. “Who wouldn’t go away?”

“B-Baker,” Sara sniffled. “She just talked, and talked, and… She didn’t know, but… I just wanted her to go away, and she wouldn’t leave, and… Teetee, I’m scared.”

“Shh, I know, Sasa. I know.” Tegan stood up slowly and grabbed the book from the table. “Let’s go inside, okay?”

Sara nodded and stood up with Tegan, wiping at her eyes as her twin led her inside. They sat on the couch and remained quiet as Tegan continued soothing Sara.

Sara thought back to a time when Tegan did the same thing at work one day. A really mean woman had come up to Sara and insisted on talking to her. When Sara tried to make it clear that she didn’t want to speak to this person, the woman started making fun of her. She called her dumb, and stupid. She implied that Sara had some sort of learning disability and was all around nasty. Sara cried so hard. She didn’t think she had ever cried that hard since she was a child. But soon Tegan walked by, and she gave the woman hell. She didn’t stutter. She put that woman in her place, and then kicked her out before Tegan and Mrs. Moore banned her from coming back to the library ever again.

That wasn’t what Baker did, though. She just wanted to talk. She didn’t mean to make Sara cry, and Sara knew that. But it was just too much. She hoped the other her would understand that.

“Hey,” Tegan said softly, calling Sara’s attention to her. Sara looked up from Tegan’s chest and sniffled. “Are you feeling better, Sasa?”

“Yeah,” Sara replied softly, nodding her head. “Thank you, Teetee.”

“No thank, Sasa.” Tegan shook her head and smiled before pecking her lips to Sara’s in the way a mother did to her child. “Teetee love love you you.”

“Sasa love love you you, too too,” Sara giggled.


	15. Cookies & Apologies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone. I know it's been a while, but here I am with a new update. Sorry this took so long. Things have just gotten in the way. Hopefully I can get the next one out sooner. I hope everyone is still enjoying the story. Let me know what you all think.
> 
> Also, there is slight alcohol use in this chapter.

“You didn’t see her, Tegan,” Sara sighed as she sat at the counter in her kitchen with Tegan. “She cried. Like… Like, actual tears because I was talking to her.”

“I get that,” Tegan replied. “But you can’t beat yourself up over it. You didn’t know.”

“I know that, but… I wanna make it up to her,” Sara said, looking to the oven. “The poor thing is probably still shaken up today.”

“Sara, come on,” Tegan said, rolling her eyes. “I’m sure Voice went over and made her feel better. I’m sure everything is okay now.”

“Maybe it is, and maybe it isn’t.” The timer Sara had set dinged. Sara stood from her seat and grabbed an oven mitt, bringing out a tray of cookies. She set them on the table and smiled down at her work. Chocolate chip. One of her favorites.

“And if she isn’t okay, then I guarantee her sister is on the case,” Tegan replied, reaching toward the tray.

Sara slapped her twin’s hand away from the fresh batch of cookies. “Those aren’t for you.”

“Ow!” Tegan jerked her hand away and looked up, offended. “Then who are they for?”

“They’re for Bookworm,” Sara replied. She pointed over to a bowl that housed a previous batch of cookies. “You can have some of those if you really need a cookie right now.”

“But those are all cold,” Tegan declined, shaking her head. “I want fresh ones. They taste so much better.”

“Too bad,” Sara answered. She grabbed another bowl and dumped the cookies into it. “She cried, so I wanna show her there was no ill will from me.”

_You don’t bake **me** cookies when you make **me** cry_ , Tegan thought angrily as she stood up from her seat and grabbed an older cookie. She took a bite and walked toward the door, pulling it open it. “I’m going back to my place.”

“Tegan–” Sara jumped as the door slammed shut. What was Tegan’s problem? They weren’t fighting. Was she still mad about what Sara had said the last time she was over? _I need to apologize to her, too._

Sara grabbed the bowl and stepped outside. She walked over to Bookworm’s dorm and knocked on the door, setting the bowl down before quickly going back inside. She hoped the other her would know that it was from her, and that she just wanted to apologize for their previous encounter.

*

Tegan stomped back over to her dorm. She felt so stupid. Why did she even go over to Sara’s today, anyway. Her twin had made it clear that she didn’t want to be close. She always made it so abundantly clear.

Maybe Tegan was just an idiot. Maybe she was defective and couldn’t learn from past mistakes. She went inside and walked to her refrigerator. She held onto the handle, but didn’t open it. She looked up. “Hey. Are you two listening?”

A moment of silence followed before she heard a voice reply. “Yes, Chef. What is it?”

“Can I get some beer, please?” she replied.

“Beer?” the voice asked. She still wasn’t sure which one it was. She knew her voice, and she knew Sara’s, yes, but something about the age added to it made it hard to the decipher. “Why do you need alcohol?”

“Because I wanna drink,” Tegan answered, rolling her eyes. “Can you hook a girl up?”

“That might not be the best idea, Chef,” the voice said.

“Just give me some fucking beer, for the love of– “ Tegan stopped and took a deep breath, composing herself. “I’m not feeling the best right now, so I would really appreciate having something to alleviate that.”

“Fine,” the voice responded. “You get two. That’s it.”

“Two is fine,” Tegan replied, opening up the fridge to find two bottles of beer sitting inside. She smiled and grabbed one, popping the lid off and stepping outside. She sat on the grass and leaned against her wall, sighing as she looked across the field.

She took a generous sip and growled. Sara was probably over there baking another thing for Bookworm. _Bake, Sasa_ , Tegan thought angrily. _Bake for your little girl toy._

That was rich. Tegan took another drink. What if that’s all it was? What if Sara was into Bookworm, and that was why she was always trying to do stuff with her? Tegan finished off her drink and threw the bottle away angrily.

What made the quiet one so special? Tegan cared. Tegan wanted to be around Sara. Tegan didn’t cry because Sara wanted to talk to her. Tegan would give anything to have Sara want to spend half the amount of time with her that she seemed to want to spend with Bookworm. It wasn’t fair. Sara didn’t even know Bookworm, yet here she was trying to talk to her all the time. Meanwhile, Tegan was her own sister, her own flesh and blood, and yet Sara acted like she wanted nothing to do with her.

But… Why would it matter if Sara liked that other her? Why would that matter to Tegan one way or another? It’s not like Tegan liked her. (blush) Tegan didn’t think of Sara’s smile whenever she saw some dessert piece here or there. (blush) Tegan didn’t hope that Sara would offer the other half of her bed to her whenever she visited. (blush) Tegan didn’t feel her insides swell with happiness whenever people had mistaken them for a couple back when they were in university. (blush)

Tegan got up from her spot on the ground and went back inside, grabbing the other beer from the fridge. She opened it and went back outside, though she wasn’t sure why she wanted to be there. She took a long sip and sighed.

_If only Sara wanted that, too._

*

Sara waited anxiously for her timer to go off again. She felt so bad. Here was Tegan, upset still over the things Sara had said a couple of days ago, and Sara had still not tried to apologize for it. Tegan deserved better than that. She may not know what Sara’s reason was for not wanting to go back home (here she was still calling Vancouver, a city she hadn’t lived in for years now, home) but that didn’t mean Sara couldn’t apologize for hurting her feelings.

Sara loved Tegan. She loved her more than anyone else was truly aware of. It was time to start acting like she did, even if it was just as a sister.

The timer dinged and Sara smiled widely. She grabbed an oven mitt and pulled the cookies out, the chocolate still gooey and warm. Tegan would love these; Sara knew it. Sara poured the cookies into a bowl like she had with every batch before, and headed outside.

Sara walked across the field with her smile still in place. She noticed that Tegan was sitting outside against her dorm. She had a bottle in her hand, a beer Sara noted. Where did she get that? Why did she have it?

“Oh, look who it is,” Tegan sighed as she watched her twin walk up. “What’s that? More cookies for your **girlfriend**?”

Sara shook the comment off with a slight blush and stepped up in front of Tegan. “N-No, uh… These… These are for you, Teetee.”

“Me?” Tegan stood up quickly, setting her beer on the ground before she rose up. “The cold ones?”

Sara shook her head and smiled softly. “My Teetee likes them fresh.”

Tegan bit her lip and reached into the bowl. “Why?” she asked. “I thought… I thought you were just making some for Bookworm.”

“She’s not the only girl I need to apologize to, is she?” Sara replied. She reached in and grabbed a cookie for herself, taking a small bite. “I’m sorry for the things I said to you the other day.”

“Thank you,” Tegan said, taking a big bite of her cookie. She smiled and moaned happily. “These are so fucking good, Sasa.”

“I was hoping you would think so,” Sara giggled.

Tegan leaned in and placed a kiss on Sara’s cheek, finishing her cookie and grabbing another one. “Thank you so much, Sasa.”

“Y-You’re welcome,” Sara replied with a blush.

“Come on inside,” Tegan said softly, opening the door and stepping inside. “I can make us some dinner tonight, if you want.”

Sara bit her lip as she felt her cheek tingle from Tegan’s lips. She willed herself to move from her spot and nodded. “I would love that, yes.”


	16. Existence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone. Here's another new chapter. I know it's been a while, and I know I keep saying that hopefully it won't take so long next time. Sorry about that. I hope everyone is still enjoying the story. I'm still not quite comfortable with writing sex scenes, so I hope the one in this chapter is good. Let me know what you all think. And thanks again for reading.

Tegan sighed. Another morning waking up to an empty bed. So many mornings started off just like that. It wasn’t even like she expected someone to be there, either. And really, this time she did it to herself, didn’t she? She went over to Sara’s dorm the day before and did what left her feeling so alone and melancholy. It wasn’t even late in the day, either. Tegan had many opportunities to tell Sara she wanted out, that she wanted to end what it was they had because she couldn’t take it anymore. But she never did. Instead she let them have an entire day together, and now here she was.

She sat up on the edge of the bed and looked around. Empty. The room felt so empty. Even with all the things to decorate it in the way that her room was decorated back home, she found the room to be barren and devoid of anything aside from the bed she found herself on now. She stayed there. She knew that once she got up, the very bed that had given her a place to rest the night before would seem to disappear just like anything else she wasn’t using. It wasn’t a trick by the elders. It was just how she always felt about things. The only times they came into existence were when she was either using them, or she was with Sara.

Finally, she decided that the bed was unnecessary, that it had served its purpose for now, and got up, knowing that it blinked away just as she knew everything to do. She walked to her computer and sat down. She was using it, so now it was there. She started typing. No story today. Just words.

*

_I love you with all my being. I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone more than I love you. I don’t think it’s possible to even pretend. I love you so much, that I love you more than I love myself. Isn’t that something, Sara? Isn’t that just a hoot? You look at me, and you see your sister, or your secret, but that’s all. You love me, I know you do, but you don’t **love** me._

_When I wake up and find that you aren’t there to wake up to, my heart drops. It falls down so far that it shatters into a million pieces, and so I’m left to spend all day putting those pieces back together. And when I finally get them all in place, and held together with whatever adhesive I can find to do the job, you show up. And like a fool, I take away the adhesives, I take away the supports. Because I know that for a short time at least, my heart will be perfect, just as the day it was made for you._

_The nights we spend together, Sara, my Sasa… They are the best things ever. My love for you pours out of every fiber in my body, and I’m left wondering how you don’t see it, how you don’t feel it. I give you everything inside me that I have to offer. I give you more than just my heart, my mind, my soul. I give you everything that I didn’t give you before we split, and I pray that you feel whole again, because I know that when I’m with you and giving you everything inside me that used to be yours, then I feel whole again, too._

_I’m a writer. I’ve written whatever has come to mind ever since I was a kid. You know. You were there. You’ve always been there. When I won my first contest at school, or when I was approached by the local paper to write a piece on family. When I was approached by a magazine and asked to write about my experience as a twin and how it was to know that my twin and I both created things in our own ways. You’ve always been there, Sara. And no amount of book deals or tours, or whatever could ever make me feel a fraction of what you make me feel._

_In short, even with all the long I’ve gone through, I’m in love with you. Madly. Deeply._

_I’m a fool for you. A fool for love. And I can’t help myself._

_– Love, Tegan_

*

Sara looked down at the pad in her hand. Drawing. Why hadn’t she thought of it before? Drawing was just what she needed. She took her pad and sat out behind her dorm, drawing the expanse of trees that surrounded her and all the others. It was nice to not have to worry about making something, to not have to worry about taking an idea from her own mind and transferring it to a canvas. Sometimes, she just needed to do something mindless, something that didn’t require work.

She looked up to the trees once again and sighed. She wanted to go out there, to walk around in all that they hid and had to offer. She wanted to explore. Like when she was little, and her mother would take her hiking. She and Tegan would run off (Or so they thought) and have their own little adventures. She remembered one time, finding a creek.

_“Look, Teetee. A river!”_

Tegan laughed her cute little child’s laugh, and said, _“We gotta get across it, Sasa. There’s people on the other side!”_

And so they found what they could, and made a tiny little bridge for them to cross. Sara loved their games, and she knew Tegan did, too.

Maybe they would have to go out to those woods and make up their own little games again. Just like old times.

Sara finished her drawing and smiled softly. She hadn’t even realized that she had drawn herself and her sister standing at the edge of the trees.

_Tegan._

She loved Tegan so much. This whole arrangement was starting to take its toll on her. She wasn’t sure she could keep it up much longer, but she knew she had to. If Tegan found out, regardless of the fact that they had spent so much time together in ways sisters weren’t to be together, she would despise Sara forever. Sara didn’t want that. She didn’t want to only have Tegan as a memory. She would take letting her own heart suffer at the end of the day over letting her heart be broken forever with no respite.

She stood from her spot in the grass and closed her sketchpad. She walked inside and put it up. Maybe she needed to go to Tegan’s dorm. Tegan had come over the night before, and that was quite nice. Maybe she could return the favor. Or maybe they could have a different kind of night. Sara smiled at that thought.

She changed into some cleaner clothes and walked across the field. She knocked on Tegan’s door and waited. Tegan opened the door with a smile.

“Sara. What brings you here?” Tegan asked.

“I was thinking that I could come over here, and maybe…” Sara thought on her words carefully first. “Maybe we could have a nice dinner together and see where things go from there, yeah?”

Tegan bit her lip and nodded. “Yeah. I’d really like that.”

*

Bodies. They always ended up as bodies. Two identical figures, writhing together on top of sheets. Skin to skin. Sara moved her fingers in and out of the slit that looked so much like hers. Tegan did the same. They looked into each other’s eyes, this night involving such a thing. Sara leaned in and took Tegan’s lips between her own. She kissed her twin hard as she filled her over and over again and was filled all her own. Sara pulled back, taking Tegan’s bottom lip in her teeth before letting it go again.

Tegan moaned loudly into the room. Everything existed. She was with Sara, and so everything was here again like it should be. Their breaths mixed together, their lips traced each other wildly. They were getting close. Within a matter of minutes, the only thing that would continue existing in this room other than Tegan would be the bed.

 _Please, just stay_ , she thought. _Just this once._

“Fuck…” Sara whispered against Tegan’s lips as she continued to work her. “Please, Tee… So close.”

Tegan moaned at the praise. “Close… So close…”

In and out. In and out. Curl. In and out. Curl. Curl. In. Curl. Out. Curl. In and out. Curl.

“F-Uh…” Tegan’s back arched forward as she was hit hard by her orgasm. Sara continued to pump her fingers into Tegan as the older twin worked to bring Sara the same pleasure.

“Good girl,” Sara whispered softly, kissing Tegan’s lips. “Good girl.”

Tegan sped her fingers up at the praise. Her body was on the verge of tremors. She had to make Sara cum fast. She just had to concentrate, and Sara would be hers. Sara let out a throaty moan, giving Tegan something to latch onto in her mind. If Sara could make that sound, then she wasn’t long.

In and out. Just as Sara had done to her. In and out and curl. Over and over again. Over and over and over again.

“Tee…” Sara panted. “Tee… Yes… Yes…”

Tegan thrust her fingers in hard, using her other hand to work Sara’s clit. Again. Again and again. Again and again and again.

“Fuck!” Sara came hard against Tegan’s fingers. Tegan continued to work her slit, letting her reach the maximum of her pleasure. She smiled at her work, feeling the swell that always came from bringing her twin such a wonderful experience.

And then…

*

“You could just stay the night, you know?” Tegan said softly from her bed. After a brief moment of rest, Sara got up from the bed and began to find her clothes. Right on cue.

“I’m not even sure I’m supposed to be here,” Sara replied, grabbing her bra and putting it back on. “Like, we haven’t cleared it with the old ones first.”

“So what?” Tegan countered. “It’s fine. They want us to spend time together.”

“Yeah, during the day,” Sara answered. She found her pants and slipped them on. “I don’t think they want us sleeping over unless we ask permission first.”

“Come on. Just this once,” Tegan begged. “It’s late, and I don’t want you to have to worry about walking across the field and trying to get to sleep in your dorm. Just sleep here with me.”

“Tegan, I can’t,” Sara sighed, pulling her shirt on over her head. “You saw what happened to the young ones. You saw that. That could be us next. I don’t want that.”

Tegan rolled her eyes and laid back down, bringing the blankets up to rest under her chin. She turned on her side, facing away from the rest of the room, and from Sara. “Fine. Go.”

“Tegan, come on,” Sara sighed softly. She stepped forward and reached for Tegan. Tegan shrugged her hand away, causing Sara to falter. “Don’t be like that.”

“I said ‘go.’”

“Tegan–”

“Go!” Tegan turned over and yelled, scowling angrily at her twin. Sara jumped back in shock before quickly slipping on her shoes and racing to the door of the bedroom. She shut the door softly behind her. “And don’t you ever ask me to fuck you again!”


	17. Running Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone. Here's another new chapter of Variations. I actually got it updated sooner than I thought it would, which makes me really happy. Hopefully we can stay on track like that. Let me know what you all think.

Tegan hurried out of the bathroom as a knock sounded through her dorm. She had gone to spike her hair up for the day when someone came up. She washed her hands of gel quickly and rushed to the door, smiling as she answered it.

“Sasa,” she said happily.

“Don’t call me that,” Sara giggled, stepping inside.

“Well what am I supposed to call you then?” Tegan teased.

“Sara. That is my name after all.” Sara walked over to the couch and sat down, laughing some before she noticed Tegan’s hair. “Oh. You spiked your hair up again?”

“Yeah,” Tegan replied, looking up, though once again, she couldn’t see her hair. “I mean, what else is everyone gonna call me if I don’t have my spikes?”

“I guess that makes sense,” Sara nodded, running her fingers through her freshly brushed hair. Again, she decided to leave it down, liking how it looked.

“You didn’t spike yours, I see,” Tegan pointed out, walking over to the couch and sitting down as well. “You like it like that?”

“I do, yeah,” Sara replied, smiling softly. “I kind of missed having it down like this.”

“I like it,” Tegan smiled. “If we weren’t here right now, I’d keep mine down, too.”

“It looked really good like that, yeah,” Sara offered, feeling a slight blush grace her cheeks at the thought.

“Th-Thanks.” Tegan ducked her head shyly for a moment. She returned her gaze to her twin’s hair after a moment. “What about the blonde? What are you gonna do with that?”

Sara shrugged as her hand went back up to her hair. “Probably let it grow out when we get back home. I think I’m ready to be a brunette again.”

“We could be twins again,” Tegan giggled.

“We’re always twins,” Sara replied, laughing along with her sister.

“Yeah, yeah,” Tegan said, rolling her eyes. “You wanna do something?”

“Sure. Like what?”

“I don’t know.” Tegan shrugged her shoulders and looked around. “I think they have some movies here we could watch or something. You wanna do that?”

“Yeah, sure,” Sara smiled. It had been quite some time since the two had sat down and watched a movie together. With all of their arguing and bickering, they didn’t find themselves spending lots of leisure time together. Perhaps that was changing now. “What kind of movie should we watch?”

“Obviously a romcom,” Tegan laughed, causing her twin to bust out with laughter as well.

“Yeah. Maybe we can both drool over the lead guy, Generic McSixPack,” Sara added.

Tegan stood up from her spot and searched around for where the movies could be. She wasn’t entirely sure where to find them. Maybe she was wrong. She looked up to the ceiling, something about looking up made what she was about to do feel less weird. “Hey… Do you guys have any movies or whatever that we could watch?”

“Movies?” A voice replied. She heard the voice whisper off to the side. “Tegan, how did we not think of giving them televisions and movies?”

“I don’t know. It never occurred to us. Just make them,” Watcher’s voice replied, whispering as well. Tegan snickered.

“Yes, um… Well, we can make those, no problem.” Seer replied, once again addressing Tegan. “We’ll just make a little announcement for all the twins.”

“Thanks,” Tegan smiled. She waited for the announcement to be made before a television set popped into existence in front of her. She jumped at the sudden appearance.

“That’s a TV?” Sara asked, looking to the device. It was much different than the ones they had at home. This one was flat and sat on some sort of stand that was connected to it. It looked as if someone had taken the screen out of an actual TV and made it into the whole thing itself. “Where is everything?”

“I don’t know,” Tegan replied, looking around. “They didn’t even give us a DVD player or anything. What a fucking rip off.”

“Oh, yes, about that.” Seer’s voice came from nowhere, startling the youngest twins. “This is what a TV would look like in your future. The DVD player is built into the side of it. Sorry about the confusion.”

“Into the side?” Tegan asked, looking over to Sara in confusion.

“That’s what she said,” Sara replied, shrugging. “I guess she knows what she’s talking about.”

“Whatever,” Tegan said, bending down to a stack of DVD’s that appeared with the TV. “What do you wanna watch?”

“What all is there?” Sara asked.

“Uh…” Tegan searched through the stack of movies, finding many titles that were unfamiliar to her. “Lot of shit I’ve never heard of for one.”

“Just pick something and put it on, I guess,” Sara replied.

“Alright.” Tegan picked up a box and popped the disc out, putting it into the built in DVD player on the TV. She stood up and grabbed the remote before walking back over to the couch and sitting beside her twin. “It looked kind of scary.”

“What’s it called?” Sara asked.

“28 Days Later,” Tegan answered. “That sounds like a scary movie, right?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Sara replied. She looked up to the ceiling as Tegan had done before. “Hey… Could we have like a blanket, please?”

“Of course,” what Sara assumed was Seer’s voice responded. Sara was starting to be able to hear the slight difference in the elders’ voices now. She was pretty sure it was Seer, but she wasn’t completely sure just yet. A blanket appeared in the air in front of Sara, who grabbed it happily and spread it out for both herself and Tegan to use. “Anything else?”

“Lights,” Tegan said, smiling to her twin. “It’s daylight out, and I really like having the lights off in the day like that. Especially watching a movie.”

“Ooh, yeah,” Sara replied, smiling in return. “Lights, please.”

“Lights it is,” the voice said as the lights shut off. “Will that be all?”

“Popcorn?” Tegan asked reluctantly.

“Of course. What kind of movie is it without popcorn to share with your l– twin?” the voice said. A large bowl of popcorn appeared in Tegan’s lap. “Is that all?”

“I think we’re good,” Tegan said, looking to her twin as she grabbed a handful of popcorn.

“Yeah. This is all we need. Thanks,” Sara added as she copied her twin and shoveled a handful of popcorn into her mouth.

“You’re welcome, Blondie. You and Spike enjoy your movie.”

*

_Sara lifted her head from Tegan’s shoulder and connected their lips briefly. This was so nice. It had been a long time since they had gotten to watch a movie together like this, like how they always enjoyed most. Sure, it was nice to watch movies with their friends, but watching movies as a couple was so much better._

_Tegan smiled and pulled Sara closer. “Enjoying the movie, Sasa?” she asked._

_“I’m not really paying attention,” Sara giggled._

_“You aren’t?” Tegan turned to look at her twin. “Then what are you doing?”_

_“I’m thinking about how much I love you,” Sara replied._

_“I love you, too,” Tegan said. She moved to lie down on the couch they were sitting on, bringing Sara with her. “My Sasa.”_

_“My Teetee,” Sara giggled. She snuggled into Tegan’s chest happily._

*

Sara snuggled into the person below her. It had been quite some time since she had gotten to take a nap with someone. She couldn’t even remember when it last was. Sara wasn’t really one for cuddling. Sometimes she would agree to cuddle with a girl she happened to like, but usually she just preferred to sit separately.

Tegan liked cuddling. She knew that from how many times Tegan leaned against her whenever they were just sitting around the house. She would push her twin away, however. It was nothing against Tegan herself, it was just… weird. Sara always thought that being against Tegan was weird. It was like part of her body, but it was outside of her being. Tegan was her, and she was Tegan. They had come from the same thing. The same sperm and the same egg. All of it was all the same. That was why they looked the way they did. Same genes. Same DNA.

Sara always assumed she didn’t like cuddling because she got to have the womb to herself for a little bit. Tegan never got that. Once they started being, they split. Tegan always knew Sara, and in a way Sara always knew Tegan. But for those eight minutes, Sara was all alone in the place that they knew as home. Tegan was born. Tegan was cleaned. Tegan cried.

Sometimes, Sara would dream of it. She would be in darkness, where all sounds were muted. Things would be quiet, the only sound she could hear was the sound of water rushing around her. Then she would hear it, faint and distant. Cries. Newborn cries. The cries of lungs testing their strength for the first time ever in their lives. She could hear the crying, and she knew without a shadow of a doubt that she needed to be with it. She would start moving through the darkness, drawing closer and closer to the crying. Then she would wake up. Every time, she would smile softly and rest her head again, closing her eyes as images of her smiling twin appeared behind her lids. Her heart would swell with love for her sister, and all the incidences that plagued them during the day would be forgotten as she drifted off to sleep once more.

Sara nuzzled into the person below her again as she thought of those dreams. Tegan was sweet, but she was nothing compared to her napping mate. She could hear a movie playing in the background. She remembered the last time she watched a movie was with Tegan. It was when they were taken to that strange world with all those other versions of themselves. That must’ve been months ago, but she could remember it clearly. They had asked for a blanket and popcorn and then they started up a movie neither of them had heard of before, and then…. Then what was it? She remembered closing her eyes briefly and then…

Tegan!

Sara’s eyes snapped open quickly. She could see the protrusion of a clothed breast in her view, the movie playing in the background. Her heart pounded in her ears as she took in their position. Tegan was asleep on the couch, face up while Sara was on top of her, face down. How did they even end up like that? They were sitting up last she checked.

Sara moved away quickly, her foot landing in the forgotten bowl of popcorn on the floor. “Shit.” She stumbled as she stood up, falling down to the floor. She landed on her bum with a soft thud, wincing as she stood back up. Tegan was starting to stir.

“Sa…” Tegan yawned and stretched. “Sasa?”

Sara chose not to answer. She rushed to the door and threw it open quickly, panic setting in at the thoughts that infiltrated her mind.

“Sara, what are you doing?” Tegan sat up, her mind snapping awake as she noticed light from outside pouring in. “Sara?”

“I have to go!” Sara shouted back quickly as she slammed the door behind her. She ran across the field, full on sprinting back to her dorm. She threw her door open and shut it hard, locking it as she ran to her room and locked herself in there as well.

*

Tegan sat up sadly. What had gotten into Sara? She picked up the bowl from the floor and gathered the pieces of popcorn that had been spilled. She set the bowl down on the table and turned the movie off before getting up and turning the lights back on. She walked back to her room and crawled into bed. _I thought we were getting along again._ She sighed and closed her eyes, remembering the feeling of Sara’s body against hers. She couldn’t remember the last time she and Sara had been that close to each other. She wanted it to happen again. But she knew that was too farfetched. Perhaps she deserved it for getting her hopes up. They weren’t like Bookworm and Voice. They weren’t like any of them. They were dysfunctional and broken. They weren’t special.

They weren’t even sisters anymore. They were acquaintances at best.


	18. Playing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone. I know it's been a while since I last updated. Sorry about that. Things have been really busy lately and I hadn't had the chance to really get to it. Hopefully the next update doesn't take me so long. I hope everyone is still enjoying the story and enjoys this chapter. Let me know what you all think.

“And when I answered the door, there was this bowl of cookies on the ground,” Sara said. She was currently telling Tegan about the gesture Baker had made. She was sure it was Baker, at least. It just made the most sense. Baker had made her so uncomfortable in their last interaction with each other, that Sara ended up in tears. She hadn’t meant to cry, it was just something that happened.

“So what… You think Baker made you those cookies because she wanted to say sorry for making you cry?” Tegan asked.

“Yeah, I think so,” Sara replied. She picked up another cookie from the bowl and smiled. “And they’re so good, too. Try one, Teetee.”

Tegan giggled and reached into the bowl, picking up a cookie for herself. She took a bite and moaned happily. “That **is** good.”

“I told you,” Sara said. She finished her treat and bounced happily. “I’m so happy you came over again.”

“Of course, Sasa,” Tegan laughed. “I can’t think of anything I’d rather do.”

“Thank you, Tegan,” Sara replied. She leaned into Tegan and held her tightly.

“Welcome, Sara.” Tegan kissed her twin’s head and finished the cookie in her hand. “So… What do you want to do?”

Sara shrugged her shoulders and let go, leaning back to stand up straight again. “I don’t know. Just spend time with you.”

“We can do that for sure,” Tegan smiled.

*

“What are you doing?” Sara asked as she walked back into the living room. She had excused herself to the restroom momentarily during her time with her sister. She came back to find Tegan at the shelf of books.

“I’m just looking,” Tegan replied before turning back to her twin with a smile. “I’m really glad they gave you a bunch of books.”

“Me, too,” Sara giggled. She walked up to Tegan and rested her head on her shoulder. “It’s nothing compared to the library, but it’s amazing nonetheless.”

Tegan laughed. “Well they probably couldn’t fit an entire library in your dorm.”

“They’re magic old ladies, Tegan,” Sara countered playfully. “They can do whatever they want.”

“I suppose that’s true,” Tegan replied. She turned her head to the side to face Sara. “Did you ever read any books like that? With magic old ladies and alternate selves?”

Sara thought for a moment and then shook her head. “No. Can’t say I have.”

Tegan nodded and looked back to the shelf. “Do you think they have other kinds of books here? Like ones that aren’t from our world.”

“I don’t know,” Sara replied with a shrug. “That would be really cool, though.”

“Yeah.” Tegan turned away from the books and faced her twin again with a smile on her face. “Okay. What should we do now?”

“Ooh!” Sara snapped her fingers and ran over to her desk. She grabbed a piece of paper and a sharpie and wrote something down. She held the paper up to show Tegan. It read, _Voice and I are setting the day aside for sister time. Please respect this. No offense to anyone else. Thanks, Bookworm._

“O-Okay… I’m not sure I completely follow, though,” Tegan replied.

“We put this up on the door, and then you and I play Library. You can put books on the shelf and come visit me, and it’ll be like we’re home again,” Sara answered.

“Sasa… Do you miss home?” Tegan asked, stepping toward her twin.

Sara nodded her head slowly as she brought the paper back down. “I just wanna go back and… and live in a place where I know you’re just across the hall from me.”

“I do, too,” Tegan concurred. She reached out her arms to hug Sara to her. Sara set the paper down and accepted the embrace, burying her face in the crook of Tegan’s neck. “We’ll get back there. I promise.”

“I just… I don’t like having to talk to these people,” Sara replied. “They don’t… They don’t understand how I am, and then the kids… they… they’re mean to me.”

“I know, Sasa,” Tegan sighed softly, rubbing her hands up and down Sara’s back. “They’re mean to me, too.”

“They don’t understand, and then they think it’s funny,” Sara whimpered. Tears were starting to slowly travel down her cheeks. “And it hurts. I can’t help that I don’t talk, Tegan. I can’t help it.”

“I know. I know.” Tegan tried her best to soothe her sister. It broke her heart to hear the things Sara was saying, knowing that no matter how many times she stood up for her twin, she would always face something like this.

“I hate my stupid brain,” Sara’s voice cracked as she clung tighter to Tegan’s frame. “I just want it to fix and be right.”

“Sasa, no…” Tegan shook her head sadly as she felt tears begin to form in her eyes. “You… You’re not stupid…”

“If I’m so smart, then why can’t I talk to anyone?” Sara countered. “Smart people talk all the time.”

“Sara, please don’t say that,” Tegan replied. “I… Do you think I’m smart?”

“The smartest.”

“And do smart people stutter?” Tegan asked, waiting for a reply.

Sara stayed silent for a while before she sighed softly. “They can.”

“Then smart people can have trouble talking to other people, too, huh?”

“Yeah,” Sara replied, her voice lacking conviction.

“I can’t hear you,” Tegan said.

“I said ‘Yeah,’” Sara repeated.

“I can’t hear you,” Tegan said again, a hint of laughter in her voice.

“Yeah!” Sara screamed happily, laughing along with her twin.

“That’s my Sasa,” Tegan replied. She kissed Sara’s cheek and let her go.

“Your Sasa,” Sara giggled, biting her lip. She pointed to Tegan. “That’s my Teetee.”

“Your Teetee,” Tegan nodded.

“Thank you for making me feel better,” Sara said softly.

“No thank, Sasa.” Tegan replied. “Now go put that sign up so we can play, yeah?”

“Y-Yeah?” Sara asked, surprised. Tegan nodded her head in reply, smiling as Sara quickly picked up the sign and grabbed some tape. Sara rushed to the door and opened it, taping the sign up to the outside of the door. She shut the door back and grabbed a book from the shelf and sat down, pretending to read it as Tegan went and gathered different books.

Tegan noted where the books went on the shelf, seeing that the titles were all in alphabetical order, and walked away from the shelf.

“Ready?” she asked.

“Ready,” Sara replied, giggling as Tegan started their game.

*

“Thank you for playing with me today, Teetee,” Sara said softly as she held the door open. Night was starting to fall and Tegan was getting ready to go back to her dorm. They had spent the whole day together, just the two of them. It was wonderful.

“I had lots of fun, Sasa,” Tegan replied. She peeled the sign off of the door and handed it to her twin. Sara set the sign aside and pulled Tegan into a hug. “You sleep well, okay?”

“You too, Tegan,” Sara answered, yawning quickly. “Could you um… Could you thank Baker for me? For the cookies?”

“Sure,” Tegan said. “Goodnight.”

“Night,” Sara replied, waving as she shut the door.

Tegan smiled and waved bye, waiting for the door to close before she stepped over to the next building. She knocked on the door, and waited briefly for Baker to answer.

“Oh, Voice. What brings you here?” Baker asked as she opened the door.

“B-Boo-ook-ookworm wanted me t-t-to te-eh-hell you thank-k you for the c-c-coo-hookies earlier,” Tegan replied.

“Oh, of course. I hope you two aren’t upset at me… I… I didn’t mean to make her cry,” Baker said.

Tegan shook her head. “It’s all ok-kay. Sh-Sh-She felt bad fo-hor-hor making you think y-you di-hid s-s-something wr-wr-wrong.”

“Well, that’s sweet of her,” Baker smiled softly. “Tell her she’s welcome the next time you see her.”

“W-Will do,” Tegan replied. “G-G-Goodnigh-hight.”

“Goodnight, Voice,” Baker answered before shutting the door softly.

Tegan turned around and walked across the field to her dorm. Baker was nice, she noted. Too bad the others (namely Blondie and Spike) couldn’t be as nice. Too bad everyone couldn’t be as nice. If that were the case, then maybe Sara wouldn’t need as much protecting, and then… Well, then Tegan supposed her twin wouldn’t need her, either. That hurt to think.

Tegan got ready for bed quickly and got under the covers. She tried to push the thought away from her mind, but it haunted her in the darkness. If people were nicer, then Sara could talk to them all on her own, but Tegan… she would still have her stutter. She would still be embarrassed every time she started a word over or repeated a sound.

_I hate my stupid brain._


	19. I Knew Her First

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone. It's been a while since I've been able to post. I moved recently and just got internet a few days ago, but have been working since then. Anyway, here's another new chapter. I hope everyone is still enjoying the story, and hopefully the next update won't take so long. Let me know what you all think.

“She sent her sister over, for obvious reasons, but yeah. She thanked me for the cookies. It was really sweet,” Sara said, recounting the events of the previous night to her twin as she sat in Tegan’s dorm. The two had decided to have breakfast together that day, something they hadn’t done in a very long time. Tegan had made pancakes and sausage. Sara moaned with delight at her first bite.

“That’s really cool, yeah,” Tegan nodded. She took a forkful of pancake and swirled it around in her syrup before eating the bite. “How are the pancakes?”

“They’re really good,” Sara smiled softly before quickly moving on. “But yeah, I’m so glad she forgave me, you know? Like… Like, I didn’t want her thinking I was a bitch and stuff because I made her cry. I still feel really bad about it, too, Tee.”

“I understand that, but like, it’s over and done with,” Tegan replied, taking a bite of sausage. “Like, she forgave you, which is awesome. I’m glad that happened.”

“Yeah. Do you think she ate them all by herself, or do you think she gave some to Voice?”

Tegan rolled her eyes as Sara looked down to her plate for another bite of food. “Well, she’s you, and knowing you, I would say she shared. Because that’s what Sara does. Right?”

“It really is, yeah,” Sara laughed. She took the bite and shook her head playfully. “But I’m not sharing this because you made some for both of us and that would give you more.”

“Well, I mean, I’m older,” Tegan joked, pointing her fork to Sara before eating more. “I get more because I was here first.”

“Eight minutes, Tegan,” Sara chuckled. “You get eight minutes more of stuff. That’s it.”

“Eight minutes more is a lot of pancakes, Sasa,” Tegan smirked.

“And you wouldn’t be able to keep it down, either,” Sara countered.

“It’s not about keeping it down. It’s about being older and having more than you.” Tegan stuck her tongue out playfully. Sara returned the gesture.

“Do you think they share a lot of stuff?” she asked.

“Wh-What?”

“Voice and Bookworm,” Sara clarified. “Do you think they share a lot of stuff since they’re so close?”

“They’re twins… I… I guess so?” Tegan replied, confused. “Like… They probably do just about everything together, so I bet they share things, yeah. Why… Why does it matter?”

“It doesn’t,” Sara answered, shaking her head. “I’m just curious about them, is all.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Tegan muttered. She stood from her seat and picked up both plates, taking them to the sink and washing them.

“What?” Sara asked.

Tegan rolled. _Not know, Tee_. It wouldn’t help anything. “I said ‘Yeah, no kidding.’” _So much for that_.

“What… What does that mean?” Sara stood up from her seat and cross her arms in front of her chest.

“It means that you go on and on about those two,” Tegan scoffed at herself and shook her head. “Those two, like you go on about both.”

“Excuse me?” Sara stepped toward Tegan angrily.

“Every fucking conversation is about goddamn Bookworm,” Tegan replied. “All the time. Bookworm, Bookworm, Bookworm.”

“Bullshit,” Sara countered, rolling her eyes. “What’s your fucking problem?”

“My problem?” Tegan asked. “My problem is that you talk about this girl all the fucking time. Ever since we got here, it’s been something about Bookworm.”

“No it hasn’t.”

“Why the fuck did you even come over here just to talk about other people?”

“I didn’t. Tegan, I–”

“The crazy thing is, I felt closer to you when you lived in Montreal.”

Sara’s eyes widened in shock. “You… You don’t… You don’t mean that.”

“Oh, I mean it,” Tegan countered. “At least when you were in fucking Montreal, I could call you up and we’d talk about ourselves and each other.”

“Tegan, I–”

“I know, Sara. Something about Bookworm, right?”

“Fuck you,” Sara spat. She was starting to feel tears well up in her eyes at the things Tegan had said. The worst part was, she wasn’t sure if it was just because they hurt, or if it was because she thought they were true.

“What’s the matter, Sasa?” Tegan bit. “Too real for you?”

Sara whimpered and rushed past Tegan. Her tears started to fall quickly as she slammed the door behind her. Was she really like that? Did she really go on and on about that other her? She couldn’t, could she?

Sara stormed into her dorm and threw herself under the covers of her bed. She hurt. Her heart hurt. Her soul hurt. She hurt so bad that she felt sick. She wished there was someone to make her feel better like Voice did with Bookworm. Maybe Tegan was right. Maybe Sara was bad. She made the other version of herself cry, after all. That wasn’t a nice thing to do at all. Nice people didn’t make other people cry. Sara made someone cry. Ergo, Sara was bad.

_I felt closer to you when you lived in Montreal._

The words stuck with her until she fell asleep.

*

Tegan shook her head angrily as the ring from the slamming door left her ears. She wouldn’t feel bad for Sara’s pain. Sara had put her through much, much more. All without batting an eye. They were adults, as Sara always put it. That meant Tegan couldn’t hurt anymore, apparently.

She opened the refrigerator and smiled upon finding two bottles there. She pulled one out and opened it, taking a long drink of it before moving into the living room and sitting on the couch.

_I felt closer to you when you lived in Montreal._

Tegan hated how the phrase felt so real. She hadn’t even meant to say it, it just slipped out of her mouth. But still… That was how she felt. She felt closer to her twin when they lived on opposite sides of the country. Now, here they were, living in the same field with just a few steps between them, and Tegan felt as if Sara were on another planet.

Tegan finished off her beer and stood up. She threw the bottle away and walked back into the kitchen, grabbing the next bottle and going back to the couch. It seemed like this would be the new thing. Sara would hurt her, so she would drink.

It wasn’t fair. She had to give Sara up once already. All those years ago when they went to the airport that day. She begged and pleaded and yet nothing could change her twin’s mind. Sara boarded her plane, and in an instant she no longer lived in the same city as Tegan. Just like that.

_Stupid Bookworm. You’re not even that special. Go get your own sister, and leave mine alone. I knew her first._

_I knew her first._

_I knew her first._

_I knew her first._


	20. A Thousand Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone. I know it's been a while since I last updated. Sorry about that. Things got a little bit busy over here. Hopefully it doesn't take so long next time (which I know I keep saying, and i"m sorry). Anyway, I hope everyone is still enjoying the story. Let me know what you all think.

_And don’t you ever ask me to fuck you again!_

The words rang through Sara’s ears over and over again, even a day later. Did Tegan really mean that? There had been many times before that Sara had said or done something to set her sister off. But she had never uttered a phrase or sentence that was even close to the one she said last night. Maybe Sara had really messed up this time.

 _You always mess up, Sara_ , she told herself. _It’s your MO._

She rolled over onto her side. Bed. Today, Sara’s world would only consist of her bedroom. She wouldn’t go anywhere unless it was the kitchen or the bathroom. It had been a long time since Sara had spent the day in bed, but she knew it was going to be something she had to get used to for the time being. She was sorry. She was sorry she ever did anything to hurt Tegan.

_I regret everything._

*

_I can’t believe I’m here again. I don’t want to do this, but I have to… even if it’s just this last time. Sara, I love you. I love you with all of me that left you in the beginning, and all of me that will return to you in the end. I know I say how much I love you all the time, but I can’t help myself. It’s true. I know I’m starting to sound like a broken record, I’ve known it for a long time. So maybe this will be the last time I have to hear this dreaded song that has come to be the theme of my life for more years than it wasn’t._

_So what do I do now? What do I do now that I’m no longer going to write for you? What meaning does my life have now? Can I even bring myself to write books and stories still, knowing that I won’t be sitting at my computer, typing out letters that were lost in the mail before I even put the stamp on them?_

_You know, they say a picture is worth a thousand words, and so I write. I write to catch up to. You’ve made so many more words than me in our careers and you never even touched a keyboard. And yet, here I am, playing catch up._

_Well no more. I don’t want to play catch up with you. I don’t want to worry about making up stories that people assume come from nowhere, but in reality all came from the feelings you gave me, you still give me. I’m not gonna write for you._

_I’m not gonna write for you._

_I’m not gonna wait for you._

_Goodbye. Even if goodbye just means that I’m giving up on the hope that you’ll love me back one day. Goodbye._

Tegan sighed and rubbed her eyes with her thumb and fore finger as she pushed her chair out from her desk. She stood up and hit save on the document before walking to the kitchen. She grabbed a bottle of water and went outside, taking in the day. The air was different now. It was a feeling she hadn’t known for a long time. It was a day where no matter what happened, she knew there was no chance of ending up in the bed with Sara later on. She breathed in, expecting her lungs to fill with relief for the first time in years, but they didn’t. The same stale, exhausting air that she had come to accept as her reality filtered its way into her system and oxygenated her blood. She and Sara were not going to be giving themselves to each other anymore. Even if it always ended in hurt, Tegan knew that she would miss the soft delicate skin of home.

What could she do with her day now? Maybe she could go for a walk. Those were always nice.

_It would be better with Sara there._

Tegan shook her head at the thought. A walk was out of the question. Maybe she could watch a movie.

_It would be better with Sara there._

The movie was a no. Maybe she should just sit in her dorm and never come back out. It would surely keep her from having to see Sara again before she was absolutely ready to. She knew that if she were to lay eyes on her sister too soon, then she would fall back into the patterns that life had laid out for her. She couldn’t afford that. Not after finally finding it in her to put a stop to the hurt she put herself through.

Tegan turned back to her dorm, her hand on the knob of the door when she heard someone step outside beside her. She looked over to find Chef, still clutching what looked to be a relatively empty beer. Chef looked over and smiled politely, tilting her drink as a substitute for a wave.

“Hi,” Tegan replied, removing her hand from the doorknob to wave back. “What you got there?”

“Oh this?” Chef asked, motioning to the bottle in her hand. “Just a little pick me up after some shit.”

“I hear that,” Tegan said, chuckling humorlessly. “I think I could really use one of those myself.”

“Yeah?” Chef took the final sip of her drink and belched loudly. “I could ask the elders to make us up some more if you want. Maybe you and I could bond.”

“That sounds really nice, yeah.” Tegan walked over toward her other and waited for her to open the door. “I was just gonna hide away for however long, but I really think some company would be nice.”

“You and me both, sister,” Chef replied. She opened her door and let Tegan in before following in behind her. She shut the door and looked up. “Hey. Do you two think we could get some drinks?”

“Chef, we’ve been over this before.” Watcher’s voice echoed through the building softly. “We give you two. No more.”

“Come on. Just this once,” Chef pleaded. “It’s not just for me. Writer wants some, too.”

“Fine… but you better not overdo it. Understood?”

“Loud and clear,” Chef said with a smile as she walked into the kitchen and grabbed two beers. She handed one to Tegan and opened hers, taking a proud gulp.

Tegan smiled and thanked her double before opening her drink and letting the liquid inside spill down her throat. She moaned happily and pulled the bottle away from her lips.

“That’s exactly what I needed,” she said.

“I heard that,” Chef replied, dinking her bottle against Tegan’s own.

*

“And so I told her to just leave, you know?” Tegan had just finished up her story to Chef. The two had sat down on the couch, enjoying themselves and sharing what had made each of them require the drinks they now had. Of course, Tegan did leave out certain details.

“Damn. That sucks,” Chef said, taking a swig of her new bottle.

“Yeah,” Tegan replied, downing the last of her drink. She got up from her seat and grabbed another before returning to the conversation. “But like… she’s always been like that… I ask her to stay and hangout and she’s all like, ‘No, Tegan. I can’t. I have to go. Stop asking.’”

“Tell me about it,” Chef grumbled. “Baker is always doing shit like that to me, too. I’ll ask her to move back to Vancouver or I’ll tell her I can move to Montreal and she’s always going on and on about how we’re adults now and we have lives separate from one another.”

“That’s awful, Chef,” Tegan said, patting the other girl’s shoulder. “If it were me, I’d gladly move back.”

“Thanks.” Chef smiled softly. “And I would totally chill with you all the time if I were your sister. Like, you’re really cool.”

“Thanks. I just wish **someone** saw that.”

“Preach,” Chef replied sadly.

“You know, the worst part is it’s like… It’s like she… Like I’m not… Like she…”

“Like she doesn’t even want you…” Chef spoke up, her eyes trained on the floor in front of her. “Like no matter what you say or do, you’ll never be good enough for her. Like you could give her all the love in the world, and it wouldn’t matter because she doesn’t want what you have to offer her…”

“Y-Yeah…” Tegan replied, tilting her head curiously. “H-How did… How did you know?”

Chef sighed and finished off the last of her drink. “I guess even in all the worlds out there, something’s still gotta be the damn same.”

Tegan looked down and nodded sadly. “I guess so.”

*

“So like… maybe uh… We could just like… start hanging out now. You and me?” Chef asked as Tegan stood in the doorway. It was starting to get late, and they had promised the elders that they would not drink too much. “I mean, since neither of us really have a Sara to spend time with now.”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Tegan replied with a smile. “It’ll be nice to be able to actually just have a conversation with someone and not worry about if it’ll go wrong or not.”

“Same,” Chef smiled. “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then, Writer.”

“See you tomorrow, Chef,” Tegan replied. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Tegan sighed happily as she heard the door shut behind her. She walked into her dorm and looked around. Everything existed. That was good. That meant Sara didn’t have the power to mold her reality now. She went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth and got ready for the night before she went to her room and crawled into bed. She turned off the lamp and snuggled into the warmth around her.

Chef was really nice. It was a shame that she ended up with a sister that didn’t want to spend time with her, just as Tegan had. Maybe they could trade. A Sara for a Tegan. Maybe that would be best for them all.

Sara. No matter what happened between them, she couldn’t really say she wanted to be anyone else’s twin. That wasn’t what she wanted. She loved Sara still, even if she was trying to get over her. She was still Tegan’s sister. Tegan rolled over onto her back and looked around the room, the light of the moon being the only illumination. It was odd to have a day where she and Sara didn’t do something of their routine. Odd… but nice.

Maybe she was okay now. Maybe she made the right decision after all.


	21. Cat & Mouse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone. Here's another new chapter of Variations. I know it keeps taking a long time to update, and I'm sorry about that. I keep trying to get them up sooner, but work and other things keep getting in the way. I hope everyone is still enjoying the story. Let me know what you all think.

Sara took in a deep breath, the last of many deep breaths she had taken once she had locked herself away from the outside world. Tegan. She had woken up with Tegan. Not necessarily a suspicious statement all on its own, but it was the manner in which she had woken up with Tegan that made it such. She was laying on Tegan’s chest. She was just laying there as if that wasn’t her twin sister underneath her.

She shuddered and grimaced as she rubbed her arms. Her heart fell immediately. That wasn’t nice, was it? Tegan was just Tegan. There was no reason to act that way just because they were closer than Sara would’ve preferred. Sure it was weird, but…

Sara shook her head and stood up from her spot on the floor. It was best not to worry about it all. She stepped out of her room and walked to the front door. She stopped with her hand inches from the doorknob. She leaned over to the side, peeking out the window to scan the field. Tegan was nowhere to be seen. Maybe Sara could sneak out around the back before her twin happened to see her, and she could walk around to clear her head. She grasped the doorknob and stepped outside.

*

Tegan wandered aimlessly around her dorm, not sure of what she should do after Sara’s abrupt departure from their time together. She felt terrible. They didn’t do anything wrong, but Sara ran away from her. They just fell asleep. It wasn’t like they had planned to be the way they had. She walked into the living room area and over to the window. She looked straight across the field from her to see Sara’s dorm. The door opened slowly to reveal her twin cautiously stepping out. Maybe Tegan should try to talk to Sara. Maybe that would work.

Tegan rushed for the door and threw it open, stepping out into the field herself. Sara looked over in her direction, her face paling as her eyes landed on Tegan’s. Tegan waved slightly, a soft and inviting smile on her face. Sara blinked before turning back around and rushing into her dorm, slamming the door hard behind her. Tegan stopped in her tracks as her face fell.

“Oh.”

*

The rest of the day played out much the same. Sara would step outside, Tegan would see her and try to confront her about what had happened while they slept. Sara would bolt back inside at the sight of her twin. It took until nightfall when Tegan finally got the hint. Sara didn’t want anything to do with her.

Tegan watched from her window as Sara stepped outside one last time, looking over to Tegan’s own dorm, staring as she waited to see if her twin would step out and chase her away.

“Go ahead,” Tegan whispered as she watched Sara take cautious step after cautious step, leaving generous pauses between each with her eyes still trained on Tegan’s door. “I won’t bother you.”

Sara made it to the corner of her building and stopped completely for a moment. She let her eyes linger on Tegan’s dorm, a part of her wishing that her sister would step outside one last time and force her to talk. She looked over to the window, gasping as she saw that Tegan had been watching her all this time. She started to lift her hand nervously to wave. Tegan looked down to her feet and shut the blinds, cutting off Sara’s visual of her.

An unexplainable sting washed over Sara’s being as she watched Tegan disappear behind the cloth covering her window. She looked down to the ground and turned her back to her sister’s building, walking around the back of her own. She shook her head and scolded herself.

_You deserve that. You did nothing but run away from her today. The fuck did you think was going to happen?_

Sara lifted her head slowly and looked out to the trees that bordered the field that she and all the other versions of herself and her sister found themselves in. Maybe a walk through the woods would make her feel better, make her forget. She put one foot in front of the other, slowly at first before she began to pick up the pace to a normal walking speed.

She took step after step, but something was wrong. It felt as if she was walking in place after a while. She was sure the trees stopped growing closer, but she was also quite positive that she had been walking for some time. She broke into a jog, then a sprint, then a full-fledged run. Her lungs began to burn. She could feel them screaming at her to stop, to just give up and turn back, to take them inside and put them to bed. Why? Why couldn’t she make it to those damned trees? She had gone into them before, the elders had taken all of them out into the trees when they first arrived. Why couldn’t she go now?

Sara gasped for air. It was getting harder to breathe. Her asthmatic lungs were calling it quits without her. She cursed her weak body for giving out on her. If she just had more stamina, more lung capacity, she could make it. She just knew it. Her legs wobbled underneath her and brought her down to the ground, her knees hitting the grass with a soft thud. She doubled over, hands following soon after as she wheezed.

Fire. Her whole body was on fire. No. Her whole body **was** fire. She needed to breathe. Needed to, but couldn’t.

 _Stop it!_ she screamed in her head. _Just let me make us better, you stupid fucking body! I’m trying to help!_

This was it. This was where it would all end. This would be the place of her death. She couldn’t breathe anymore. She was coughing and hacking, and wheezing, but to no avail. Her body and lungs had already decided that they didn’t like her anymore. They weren’t going to get her out of this one.

*

Tegan sat on the couch, her head hanging as she let the loneliness settle in around her. She sighed and closed her eyes. Why didn’t she understand what Sara was doing sooner? She didn’t want to be talked to. That was clear once Tegan thought back on it. The first time Sara ran away should’ve been enough to tip her off.

Maybe that was why Sara didn’t want to be around her much. Tegan didn’t understand space. Sara wanted space, and Tegan wouldn’t give it to her. She supposed she brought it on herself that way.

“If I were her, I’d want to get away from me, too,” she said aloud, letting her voice, however quiet, sound loud in all the nothing around her.

She stood up from her seat and walked to the bathroom, deciding that it was time to sleep and let the foulness of the day wash away in her dreams. She brushed her teeth and used the restroom before undressing and crawling into bed. She closed her eyes, the image of Sara running away from her burned into her retinas.

*

Sara gasped loudly as a swirl of wind rushed around her and into her nose, filling her lungs up to the fullest they could be. She coughed hard at the sensation before her breathing began to regulate itself. She leaned back onto her knees, her hands shaky from the experience. She looked up to the sky and silently thanked the elders for the help before she tried to stand. She fell back onto the grass and winced.

“Maybe… Maybe I’ll just lay here for a bit…” she said. Sara leaned back, lying down in the cool grass. She looked around at the sky above her. It wasn’t real. None of it was real. Night, day, the field, the trees, the dorms, nothing. But it all felt so real. How?

She tried not to worry too much about it and instead looked to the stars above her. She loved star gazing. She remembered many nights when she was younger spent outside, looking up at the stars with Tegan beside her. They would each take a section of the sky and point out the constellations they could find.

Sara closed her eyes. Tegan did nothing wrong. So why punish her? Sara knew the answer, really, but she wasn’t going to admit it. Not to herself, not to anyone else. That was a little tidbit of information that was made solely for the purpose of locking away. It was a part of her, born without her permission, and thrown away into the dungeon of her mind. Hopefully it would die one day, and then she would be free to befriend her sister all over again.

She opened her eyes and slowly got up to her feet. She dusted her clothes off and began to walk back toward the front of her dorm, ready to turn in the for the night.

“We could be twins again.”


	22. Speech Therapy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone. Here's another new chapter of Variations. I hope everyone is still enjoying the story so far. Let me know what you all think.

Sara opened her door with a smile on her face. She knew who was knocking without even having to check first. Something just told her. “Teetee!” she said, excitedly.

“Hey,” Tegan replied. She had her head down, her eyes trained on the ground below her.

Sara tilted her head curiously. “What’s wrong?”

“Hmm?” Tegan looked up and forced a smile. “Oh, nothing. Just tired, I guess.”

Tegan stepped inside her sister’s dorm without another word, quietly sitting down on the couch in the living room. She looked back down to the floor, her faux smile forgotten as the thoughts from the night before crept into her mind once again.

“Tegan?” Sara asked. She closed the door behind and stepped toward her twin. “What’s the matter? Why aren’t you talking much?”

“I just…” Tegan sighed. She shook her head. “It’s nothing, Sara. Really.”

“That’s not true,” Sara countered. “Please don’t lie to me.”

Tegan nodded softly, keeping her head down still as she began to speak once more. “If people were nice to you, you wouldn’t need me.”

“What?”

“I thought about it last night, and how you said that you wished you could talk to people,” Tegan answered. She lifted her eyes to look at her sister. “If you could talk to people and be comfortable around them, then you wouldn’t have any use for me anymore. I’m only with you because you need me to be your… Your voice.”

“Tegan, no,” Sara walked over to the couch and sat down. She took Tegan’s hands in her own, trying to bring the comfort to her twin that Tegan had given her so many times before. “If I could talk to other people, I would still need you with me. You’re my twin. You’re always going to be important to me. No matter what.”

“I would still have my stupid stutter, though,” Tegan replied. She slowly took her hands back from her sister’s grasp. She watched as Sara’s face fell. She felt the sight sink into her heart. “What good would I be to you? I couldn’t make you more comfortable if you already were comfortable. I would just get in your way, and everyone would be tired of waiting for me to finish a damn sentence before the sun went down or something.”

“Tegan, no,” Sara stood up quickly from her seat and went to her bedroom. She retrieved the sign she had made the day before and walked to the front door, opening it. She taped the sign back in the place it had sat previously and shut the door. “That is **not** my Teetee. I don’t know what made you think all these things about yourself, but I’m gonna help you feel better just like you help me all the time. That’s what sisters do.”

“Sara, I appreciate the sentiment, but come on. Let’s be real,” Tegan replied sadly. “I’m nothing special.”

“Bullshit!” Sara shouted angrily. Tegan jumped at the words and tone of Sara’s voice. Sara never used any language like that. It was odd to hear it come from her mouth. Odd, yet exhilarating. “You are the most special person in the whole wide world, Tegan. In any of the worlds out there.”

“But… But there are other Tegan’s, and they–”

“They nothing,” Sara snapped, interrupting her twin. “They aren’t you. No matter what you think of those other versions of you, or how you compare them to yourself, the fact of the matter is, they’re not my twin. You are. And that makes you more special than anyone else I’ll ever meet in my whole life.”

“You… You really think so?” Tegan asked, her voice soft and meek.

“I don’t know how I could believe anything else,” Sara replied.

Tegan ducked her head and smiled, hiding the blush that painted itself on her cheeks at Sara’s words. For someone who didn’t talk often, Sara certainly had quite a way with words. Maybe it was all of those books she read. Surely it was inevitable to become articulate and insightful with the various types of prose between all of those covers. Tegan looked up slowly and bit her lip. “Thank you, Sasa.”

Sara giggled and returned Tegan’s bit lip smile. “You’re welcome, Teetee.”

*

“And see, there’s this character in the book that stutters, too,” Sara said. She held a copy of IT by Stephen King in her hand. She was telling Tegan about the story, which she had read before. “His name is Bill, and one thing he does as a form of speech therapy is repeat this line.”

Tegan watched as Sara opened the book and scoured the pages for one instance of the phrase she had spoken of. Sara stopped her search and cleared her throat. “He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts,” she read aloud. She looked up from the book and into her sister’s eyes. “Maybe that could help you, too.”

“I don’t know… Maybe,” Tegan replied, unsure of the possibility of the phrase being successful for her.

“Just give it a try,” Sara insisted. She handed the book over to Tegan and pointed at the line in which the phrase appeared. “Here. Go ahead and read it out loud to me.”

Tegan sighed and shook her head playfully before clearing her throat the way Sara had before. She began to read the words in a slow and cautious manner. “He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.”

“See? No stutter,” Sara replied happily, a smile on her face.

“That’s all well and good, but I read that really slowly so that I wouldn’t mess up,” Tegan answered.

“Then try it again, but faster,” Sara said. “Please?”

“Fine.” Tegan looked down to the page and read the passage again, this time speeding up to her normal talking speed. “He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.”

Sara squealed happily. “Yay! You did it, Teetee.”

Tegan laughed and handed Sara the book again. “Yeah, but for all we know that could be a fluke,” she replied. “Who’s to say that I’ll get it right next time I try to say it?”

“Then you just keep practicing it,” Sara answered. “You remember all those speech therapy classes we took back in school? You try and try again. You don’t give up.”

“I remember, yeah,” Tegan said, nodding her head. “They so obviously worked.”

“Tegan.”

“Sorry, I was just trying to make a joke,” Tegan apologized.

“Speech therapy wasn’t a joke,” Sara replied, looking down to the floor. Flashes of the other kids taunting the both of them played in her mind. One undeniable truth that the both of them had learned from a very early age; kids could be quite cruel.

“I know, Sasa,” Tegan said softly. “We took a class we needed, just like any other subject we took.”

“I’m sorry our problems just stuck with us instead of going away like they were supposed to,” Sara whispered.

“Sometimes you can’t make them go away,” Tegan answered. “Sometimes you just make them more manageable. Isn’t that what they always told us?”

“Yeah,” Sara nodded. She looked up with a smile. “It is.”

*

“Thank you for today, Sara,” Tegan said as she stood outside Sara’s dorm. She took the sign off the door and handed it back to her twin as she got ready to head back to her own dorm for the night. “You really made me feel better.”

“I was just doing what you normally do for me,” Sara replied, taking the sign from Tegan’s hand. “I may not get to do it as much as you, but I hope I’m good at it, too.”

“You are,” Tegan smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“I sure hope so,” Sara giggled. “I’ll keep the sign ready.”

“Of course,” Tegan replied. “Teetee love love you you.”

“Sasa love love you you, too too,” Sara smiled, biting her lip. “Night night, Tegan.”

“Night night, Sara.” Tegan turned to walk back across the field as Sara shut the door behind her. She smiled to herself, the sound of her feet stepping on the grass over and over again hitting her ears. “He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts. He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts. He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.”


	23. A Day Without

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone. Another new chapter of Variations is here. I hope people are still enjoying the story. Let me know what you all think.

Tegan looked around the kitchen as she prepared a bowl of cereal for herself. She sighed. She thought she would feel better in the morning, knowing that she didn’t have to worry about Sara and that she had a new friend in Writer. But something was off. She hadn’t felt so gray and empty since… Since Sara moved to Montreal.

“Fuck, no.” Tegan let the spoon in her hand drop and clink loudly in her bowl. Sara was supposed to be old news now. Tegan wasn’t supposed to need her. How could she get better if Sara was going to stay on her mind? How?

She looked over to her refrigerator and shook her head. It was much too early for **that**. She poured the cereal into her bowl and then the milk. She put the milk away and noted how there were no bottles in the fridge. She nodded in understanding and moved over to the table with her bowl, sitting down and starting to eat.

Another lonely breakfast.

*

Sara stepped outside for the first time since Tegan had said the things she had. She knew she looked bad. Her hair was still messy from her restless sleep, and she had on sweatpants and a wrinkled shirt. She rubbed her eyes at the offending light of the outside and yawned loudly.

“Rough night?” a voice called out. Sara turned to her side to see Blondie standing outside her dorm, leaning against the wall.

“Don’t start,” Sara replied.

“No, I’m serious,” Blondie said. She pushed herself off of the wall and walked over to where Sara was standing. She ran her hand through her hair, which Sara now took notice wasn’t spiked up like it had been. “You look like you didn’t get any sleep at all.”

“I got sleep,” Sara answered tersely.

“Then it was a shitty sleep, yeah?”

Sara paused for a moment, looking around the field. What was Blondie’s game this time? What was she up to? Sara nodded. “Yeah.”

“Same,” Blondie replied. She pointed her thumb to the wall. “Mind if I lean here for a bit?”

“Go ahead,” Sara said.

They were silent for a moment after that, the only sound between them the occasional yawn before Blondie finally spoke up again. “What did your Tegan do?”

“Who says my Tegan did anything?” Sara bit.

Blondie nodded and looked across the field. Sara stole a quick glance at her younger counterpart. She noticed her eyes were trained on a certain dorm. Spike. “Because you have that air about you.”

“Excuse me?”

“You look like Tegan did something that hurt you,” Blondie replied.

Sara looked down to the ground. She stepped to her side, closer to where Blondie had positioned herself and let her back hit the wall softly. “Yeah.”

“That sucks,” Blondie said somberly. She finally took her eyes off Spike’s dorm and looked in Sara’s direction. “I’m really sorry to hear that.”

Sara grunted, not quite believing Blondie. “What about you? Your Tegan do something, too?”

“No.” Blondie chuckled humorlessly and shook her head. “I did something to hurt her.”

“You mean you actually feel regret?” Sara asked before she could stop herself. She gasped in shock at her own words and covered her mouth with one hand. “Blondie, I… I didn’t mean that.”

“It’s okay,” Blondie replied, this time with a real laugh, albeit however small. “That was actually a good one.”

Things were quiet again for a moment before Blondie sighed and pushed herself off the wall. “Yeah, I feel bad about what I did, but I guess that doesn’t matter.” She looked across the field one last time before she turned back to her dorm and started to walk away. “Tegan’s done with me, I think.”

Sara watched on as Blondie disappeared inside. She looked down to the ground. What would she do if her Tegan decided she was done with her? That would be awful to have to face, wouldn’t it? She turned around and went back inside, unsure of what to do next.

*

Tegan got up from her seat on the couch and walked toward the door. A knock had sounded shortly after she had eaten lunch that day. She opened the door and smiled softly as Writer came into view. “Hey.”

“What’s up?” Writer asked.

“Nothing much, just ate some lunch,” Tegan replied, stepping aside to let her double in. Writer stepped in past Tegan and walked to the couch, sitting down. “What about you?”

“Same, just ate,” Writer answered. “Thought I’d come over and see if you wanted to hang out or something.”

“I’d like that, yeah,” Tegan said as she shut the door and took a seat on the couch as well.

“You got any… You know?” Writer asked.

Tegan shook her head. “No. I’ve been looking in the damn fridge all day, but nothing.”

“Fuck.” Writer sighed and shook her head. “Oh well. I guess we can hang without it.”

“Yeah. We don’t need Sara, and we don’t need beer, either,” Tegan laughed.

“Exactly,” Writer replied, laughing as well.

*

“And that was the… fourth time?” Writer nodded in confirmation of her own question. “The fourth time I broke it.”

“Wow,” Tegan said. “I can’t believe another Tegan did that.”

“I thought I was the only one,” Writer laughed. “I thought, ‘Surely we can’t all be that unlucky.’”

“I’m not sure all of us, but at least you and me,” Tegan laughed. “I mean, how many people break the same arm four times?”

“I know,” Writer replied. “I remember hoping that each time was the last.”

“Me, too,” Tegan nodded. “Sometimes I worry that it’s messed up for good because of all of that.”

“Same,” Writer said. “If I let myself worry too much, I swear I feel it hurting.”

“Don’t you fucking hate that?” Tegan asked, turning excitedly toward her other self. She traced her fingers up her right arm. “Like right through here.”

“It’s the worst,” Writer said, nodding her head.

*

Sara stepped out of the shower, toweling her wet form off. She felt slightly better than she had for most of the day. Something about a shower always seemed to help her relax. She put on a clean set of clothes and dried her hair before leaving the bathroom. She walked to the kitchen and looked for something to eat. She settled on a sandwich and grabbed everything she needed. She fixed her food and stood at the kitchen counter, eating in silence.

It felt much like the time after she first moved to Montreal. Things were much quieter than she was used to, and she knew there was no chance of Tegan walking through her door. She sighed and looked down to her food.

_Tegan would’ve made something much better than a sandwich. And I could’ve made us dessert._

She took another bite of her sandwich and looked out the window. She saw Tegan’s dorm across the field. She wondered what her sister was doing now that she wasn’t trying to come over. Was she okay? Did she have someone to talk to? Was anyone checking in on her? Sara would do all those things, but…

Sara finished her sandwich and walked to the living room. She sat down and grabbed a book, trying to take her mind off of anything Tegan related. If only it were that simple. She read the same sentence over and over again, a trope she hated in the books she read no matter how real it was.

She sighed and set the book down before standing up. She was going to bake. That always made her feel better. And sure, there was no Tegan there to gush over how good whatever it was Sara decided to make was, but that was commonplace back home anyway.

Sara grabbed her recipe book and started to flip through the pages, trying to find something that sounded like a good idea. She bit her lip and smiled as she thought about baking something.

Maybe it **would** help.


End file.
